In a very undistinguished academic career at The University of Texas, I'm pretty sure that the highest grade I ever recorded came in a class called "Pseudoscience," which was taught by physics professor Rory Coker (https://twitter.com/CokerRory) and was considered a science course for non-science majors.
As far as I'm concerned, it was pretty much the perfect course. There was no final, only homework assignments. Those homework assignments included things like faking a UFO sighting. On top of it all, Coker had to have been the most interesting professor I'd ever studied under, as his stories were memorable, he always seemed a bit paranoid about anything he ever taught us and I'm convinced that no professor has ever had more good looking women stand up in front of the class (always decided by the toss of a tennis ball into the class) in order to execute some sort of experiment.
I'm telling you, Dr. Coker was something else.
Why am I bringing all of this up?
Well, I've spent the last few days putting together a set of power rankings (if you will) of college football coordinators and nothing is based on anything remotely scientific, which is prefect for someone that has made a career of ranking high school football prospects based on ... wait for it ... nothing remotely scientific.
It's all based on gut feel.
As I compiled the rankings and realized just how unscientific the process was and how perfectly comfortable I was with such a process, it occurred to me that I might be one of Coker's best students of the Pseudoscience variety.
In fact, you can call me Mr. Pseudoscience if you wish, if only because that's much better than half of the things some of you call me.
With that declaration out of the way, let's go through the rankings.
Perfect 10s
Offense
Tony Elliott (Clemson) - It's only a matter of time before Elliott advances in the coaching world, but what he's done as the primary play-caller for the Tigers is off the charts good. He has multiple national championships on his resume, he's a former Frank Broyles Award winner and has been great for more than a season or two. He's an absolute star.
Defense
Dave Aranda (LSU) - He's young and still ascending, but has emerged as one of the most coveted defensive coaches in the entire sport. Is known for developing players and has produced big-time defenses at the highest level in the sport for almost a decade.
Brent Venables (Clemson) - After being a bit of a scapegoat at Oklahoma, you can make the case that his hire at Clemson in 2012 completely turned around the Tigers program and helped propel it to what it is today. His track record at this point is stronger than any coordinator in the sport today.
Almost perfect 9s
Offense
Joe Brady (LSU) - In one season, Brady has turned one of the most historically stale offenses in the country into one of the most exciting single-season offenses in the history of the sport. In the process, he's turned Joe Burrow from a very average player into one of the best single-season throwers in the history of the sport. Oh, and he's 30, so he's just scratching the surface of his coaching powers.
Kevin Wilson (Ohio State) - After all the success at Oklahoma, the former Indiana head coach has been an offensive coordinator at Ohio State for the last three seasons. He's a guarantee on the box.
Steve Sarkisian (Alabama) - The former USC head coach has had success at every single level of football and he's only 45 years old, which suggests that the best from him might still be on the way.
Defense
Don Brown (Michigan) - From the moment Brown arrived at Michigan, the Wolverines have enjoyed having one of the very best defenses in college football. In each of Brown's three seasons leading the defense, Michigan's unit has been listed among the top four in the NCAA in total defense.
Jeff Hafley (Ohio State) - After spending almost a decade in the NFL, Hafley returned to the college game this season to take over the Ohio State defense and he's had one of the best seasons of any defensive assistant coach in the entire country.
The 8.5 level
Offense
Jeff Scott (Clemson) - Hasn't been the primary play-caller for the Tigers over the last half-decade, but he is involved in calling plays, is known as a fantastic developer of talent and works his tail off in recruiting. He's a Clemson man, through and through.
Joe Rudolph (Wisconsin) - Has been the OC for the Badgers since 2015 after serving as the OC at Pittsburgh from 2012-14. Would probably rate higher if the shadow of Paul Chryst didn't forever loom as the definitive leader of the offense.
Defense
Chris Ash (Free agent) - His score probably gets dinged because of the struggles he had at Rutgers, but as a defensive coordinator for Ohio State, Ash was regarded as a true star on Urban Meyer's staff. In his five seasons as a defensive coordinator, Ash pioneered four groups ranked in the top 25 statistically, including a top-10 defensive unit in 2015.
Todd Grantham (Florida) - Has produced at the college level as a coordinator everywhere he's been, whether we're talking about Florida, Mississippi State, Louisville or Georgia.
Jim Leonhard (Wisconsin) - The former 10-year NFL veteran just finished his third season as coordinator with the Badgers and is already regarded as one of the best in college football.
Kevin Steele (Auburn) - It feels like Steele has coached at almost every powerhouse in the southeast and had success every step along the way. Most recently, he's been an impact coach for the Auburn Tigers.
The 8.0 level
Offense
Marcus Arroyo (Oregon) - Has emerged as a star with the Ducks after coaching under Mike Gundy as a running backs coach at Oklahoma State. Has been the OC and quarterbacks coach with the Ducks for the last three years, overseeing the development of Justin Herbert.
James Coley (Georgia) - After serving as co-OC at both Miami and Florida State, Coley has come into his own as the OC of the Dawgs for the last two seasons.
Kalen DeBoer (Indiana) - A three-time national champion head coach at the University of Sioux Falls (2006, 2008-09) and veteran play-caller of 19 years, DeBoer produced one of the best offensive seasons in the history of the Indiana program this season and has emerged as a candidate for the Fresno State head coaching position after working there in 2017 and 2018.
Graham Harrell (USC) - Another up and comer from the Mile Leach/Kliff Kingsbury coaching tree that proved to be a smashing success this season with the Trojans, despite losing his starting quarterback and needing to lean on a true freshman at the position all season.
Defense
Mike Elko (Texas A&M) - Always produces a very good defense at a minimum, regardless of where he coaches.
Alex Grinch (Oklahoma) - The 39-year old has emerged as one of the best young defensive coordinators in the country over the last half decade. After serving as a DC for Mike Leach at Washington State, Grinch coached defensive backs at Ohio State before taking the OU defensive coordinator job and his success in that role this season was paramount to the Sooners winning the conference title.
Dan Lanning (Georgia) - An up and comer who helped lead Georgia to the SEC Championship game in his first season as the defensive coordinator with the Dawgs.
Greg Mattison (Ohio State) - The former Michigan and Baltimore Ravens defensive coordinator hasn't really been a chief defensive play-caller since 2014, but his resume as a defensive coach speaks for itself.
Morgan Scalley (Utah) - After spending 12 seasons at Utah as an assistant coach, Scaley has emerged as one of the best assistant coaches in the sport in his fourth season as the Utes' defensive coordinator.
Charlie Strong (Free agent) - On one hand, his defenses as a head coach have not been very good at all, but on the other hand he's had nothing but success over the years when all he's responsible for is a defense.
The 7.5s
Offense: Bill Bedenbaugh (Oklahoma), Josh Gattis (Michigan), Rhett Lashlee (SMU), Kenny Dillingham (Auburn), Zak Hill (Boise State), Chip Long (Notre Dame), Tom Manning (Iowa State_
Defense: Andy Avalos (Oregon), Bryan Brown (Louisville), Marcus Freeman (Cincinnati), Pete Golding (Alabama). Brent Pry (Penn State), Bob Shoop (Mississippi State), Phil Snow (Baylor)
The 7s
Offense: Kendal Briles (Ole Miss), Kirk Ciarrocca (Minnesota), Jim Chaney (Tennessee), Darrell Dickey (Texas A&M), Dan Enos (Miami), Steve Ensminger (LSU), John Hevesey (Florida), Billy Gonzales (Florida), Tee Martin (Tennessee), Bryan McClendon (South Carolina), Glenn Thomas (Baylor), Troy Walters (Nebraska) and David Yost (Texas Tech)
Defense: Derrick Ansley (Tennessee), Adam Fuller (Memphis), Danny Gonzales (Arizona State), John Heacock (Iowa State), Nick Howell (Virginia), Clark Lea (Notre Dame), Phil Parker (Iowa), Travaris Robinson (South Carolina), Mike Tressel, (Michigan State) and Bert Watts (Fresno State)
No. 2 - Go big or go home ...
As someone that views Greg Robinson as the best assistant coach that Texas football has had in the 25 years I've covered the program, I've been on record for a while now that I'd go into the NFL to find my answers at the defensive coordinator position.
It's a little outside the box, but the best defensive minds are in the pro game and when it comes to fundamentals and versatility, nobody does it better on the defensive side of the ball than the guys in the NFL.
Here are three candidates I'd kick the tires on.
Teryl Austin (Steelers DB coach)- It's Austin! All these years after he was the unofficial Texas defensive coordinator for Mack Brown for about 15 minutes, maybe it's time to see if he's ready to come on back to Austin. Always just on the fringe of being an NFL head coach, the Longhorns could make him the highest-paid coordinator in college football and it would assure them of having one of the best.
Raheem Morris (Falcons DB coach) - The former NFL head coach is a position coach in the NFL right now that has worked on both sides of the ball. Could be unemployed in a few weeks.
Kris Richard (Cowboys passing game coordinator and defensive backs coach) - It's very possible that he's going to be out of a job soon. Sell him on making a boatload of money and the idea that he'll potentially be a head coach at the college level sooner than he'll be one at the NFL level.
No. 3 - Three thoughts on playing the Utes in the Alamo Bowl ...
a. Texas is playing a better team, but a beatable team. It feels like a rematch against Baylor, but I think the Utes might be the better team.
b. This will be the best defense the Longhorns have played this season by a considerable margin. The Utes rank third in total defense, seventh in third-down defense, fourth in first downs allowed and third in team defensive passing efficiency. While the Utes are beatable, the Utah is also capable of completely embarrassing the Longhorns if Tom Herman can't get his team firing.
c. Utah senior quarterback Tyler Huntley will be licking his chops to play this Texas defense. This dude ranks fifth in national passing efficiency.
Early prediction: Utah 27 Texas 17
No. 4 - About the Texas basketball team ...
Look, I know the majority of you have just tuned the men's basketball team out because you're not a believer in Shaka Smart or anything close to believing, but had the Longhorns lost to Texas A&M in Ft. Worth on Sunday, there most certainly would have been some bitching.
Instead, the Longhorns whipped the Aggies 60-50 in a game that ended up closer than it felt while watching it, primarily because the Texas defense made scoring for the Aggies really, really hard.
While beating A&M (No. 294 RPI coming into the game) won't do much to help UT's NCAA Tournament bid, the 8-1 record that the Longhorns own will put them in really good shape at an NCAA Tournament bid once the RPI starts top climb in conference play.
You can never count your chickens before they hatch, but with three very, very winnable non-conference games left to play going into the New Year, the Longhorns could very well be working towards an 11-1 record when they take on Baylor on January 4 to open Big 12 play.
With the defense continuing to improve and young players making tangible steady progress (See Kai Jones!), this team is trending in the right direction.
If nothing else, it didn't lose to the Aggies.
No. 5 - It wasn't easy, but it got done ...
Things got a little spooky for the Texas volleyball team over the week, but its championship pedigree kicked in when it was needed most.
Down 2-1 to UC Santa Barbara, the Longhorns put it together and handled their business in five. It wasn't pretty by any stretch, but this team is in the ultimate survive advance dance party.
With unseeded Louisville up, the Longhorns should ... SHOULD ... find their way into a regional final against No. 7 Minnesota or No. 10 Florida waiting for them after that for a spot in the Final Four.
The Longhorns played Minnesota earlier in the season at home and swept the Gophers 25-22, 29-27 and 35-33.
Eventually, it's No. 3 Stanford that will likely await the Longhorns in the Final Four, which would be a rematch of a game the Longhorns lost earlier this season.
Now you're all caught up.
No. 6 - If I had a vote that mattered and early playoff predictions ...
1. LSU
2. Ohio State
3. Clemson
4. Oklahoma
5. Oregon
6. Penn State
7. Florida
8. Alabama
9. Wisconsin
10. Baylor
(1) LSU 44 (4) Oklahoma 27 - The Tigers have one of the best offenses in the modern history of college football and I expect Oklahoma to learn that lesson the hard way. At the end of the day, LSU has a pretty big edge at the quarterback position based on the way both starters are currently playing.
(2) Ohio State 24 (3) Clemson 21 - Honestly, just flip a coin, but I think the best three players in this game could all play for Ohio State.
Championship game
(1) LSU 41 (2) Ohio State 37 - This has a chance to be one of the best championship games we've ever seen.
No. 7 – BUY or SELL …
(Sell) That's not what we've been hearing. The timing of the hires seems fluid, but I'm still not sure there's any reason for Herman to rush into a hire before the bowl games because it seems like the kids committed to him trust that he'll get it right, regardless of the timing. Depending on how high Herman wants to reach, waiting until January might be needed with some candidates.
(Sell) Given that Baylor dominated Texas, I just don't know that I can say the Longhorns definitely would have won that game, even if I'm willing to overturn the TCU and Iowa State results.
(Buy) 100-percent
(Sell) That's not the level of benefit of the doubt I'm willing to give right now. Why on God's green earth would anyone?
(Sell) That's a hell of a lot of benefit of the doubt to be giving at this point without knowing for certain what the "new" Texas program looks like in a few weeks. That means Texas has won a conference title in the next two years and I'm not ready to say that about the 2020 team.
(Sell) It's the development of talent over everything else.
Sell: By highly-rated recruit, I'm looking at national top-75 level players and I just don't see it.
(Sell) I can't say for certainty that the replacements of Parker Braun and Zack Shackelford will be better. The offensive line play will be a major question mark going into 2020.
(Sell) I might just horsewhip the next person who asks me a question that involves Texas making the college football playoff in 2020.
(Sell) If you're a starter, there's no reason to leave, unless you just hate your life outside of football. Sitting out seasons is not something most guys want to volunteer for.
(Sell) I just don't know. It's a great question. Seriously, I've thought about for 10 minutes and I can't make a call that I feel strongly about.
(Buy) Yes, indeed.
(Buy) Tom does have a Sugar Bowl win. All Jimbo has is moral victories against highly-ranked teams.
(Sell) It's all about timing.
No. 8 – Eternal Randomness of the Spotty Sports Mind …
... Matt Rhule is one hell of a coach. Down to his third-string quarterback, he gave winning that Big 12 title one hell of an effort. You can make a case that he did the best job of coaching in the Big 12 of any head coach in the last decade.
... On one hand, Ohio State got played off the field in the first half of the Big 10 championship game. On the other hand, the Buckeyes responded by outscoring the Badgers 27-0 in the second half.
... J.K. Dobbins should be a finalist for the Heisman. Against the best teams on the Ohio State schedule, he was an absolute monster.
... If LSU wins the national title, we're really going to have to start discussing this team as one of the best in the last 20 years of college football. The Tigers beat Georgia in a way that was so emphatic it almost is hard to describe.
... I feel you, Everson, I feel you.
... Every time I give the Texans even a hint of benefit of the doubt/vote of confidence, that team does something like get its butt kicked at home by a team it should have handled with relative ease. You can't let Drew Lock beat you when things are on the line.
... Kyle Shanahan is some kind of football coach and the 49ers are one hell of a team. That 49ers/Saints game was probably the best football game I've seen all season, college or pro.
... One of my favorite things about the NFL right now is seeing Malcolm Brown score touchdowns.
... I didn't start Drew Brees in fantasy this weekend and it's going to be the death of my team's season.
... From the Department of Non-Hyperbole... no really: I think Tom Brady has won his last Super Bowl ring with the Patriots.
... I barely cared about the Anthony Joshua/Andy Ruiz rematch on Saturday and barely might be putting it too softly.
... Maybe the best thing you'll see all weekend...
No. 9 - The List: Top 10 movies of the decade...
10. Lady Bird
9. Whiplash
8. Inside Out
7. The Wolf of Wall Street
6. The Master
5. Parasite
4. Phantom Thread
3. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
2. Spotlight
1. 12 Years a Slave
No.10 - And finally...
Possible Unpopular Declaration - I think Watchmen is the most enjoyable show of 2019 for me. The last few episodes have been among the best hours of television I've ever watched. Can't wait to see Sunday's episode. I hope I haven't just jinxed the last two episodes of the season.
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