It's arrived. I mean, it's REALLY REALLY arrived.
After 13 long years, it's back. After they cried about DeLoss, they laughed about starting a network, they whined about ESPN giving us $300 million, they took their ball and ran away, they swore they'd never play us again, they got a handshake deal to lock us out, they got a blank national title trophy, they spent $100 million in buyouts, they pitched a fit about us joining, and after all that, Big Brother is back.
And in a comeback fit for a 1968 Elvis special, aggy will be playing us at their house, at night, with speakers to make it louder, on national TV, infront of their largest crowd ever, and most likely the largest TV crowd EVER to watch aggy play anything.
They could run a PPV special called "Sheep Fvcking in Howdytown" and they wouldn't draw 1/10th of this audience.
Ya, you're welcome aggy...... Once again, just hanging on to Daddy's coat tails will get you a day in the sun at some point.
I do find the irony delicioso...... the biggest game EVER for aggy and it's not played against Bama, or LSU or Jaw Jaw- their new "friends" that they ran over to in cuck fashion.
Nope.
It's played against the old tried and true by God Texas Longhornd. The aggys are creators of such hits as "Battered aggy Syndrome" and "we didn't lose, we ran out of time". And everyone's favorite "But Texas owns the referees!".
After 13 years in the SEC, I haven't seen aggys this cagey since Case McCoy decided to tuck it and run. In fact, that was the last time I remember seeing aggy at all.
The eyes of the state will be upon the thriving metropolis of Bryan/College Station tonight as the town swells from 150,000 thousand residents to over 300,000 people and a few thousand sheep. A side note to all you soon to be VERY upset aggys, angry-drunk sex is not safe for you or your 4 legged wooly companion. "Baaaaaaaaa" means no.
And for you poor sheep/lamb/goats out there, there's a special hotline being opened tonight just for you, should you feel as though you're being abused by your aggy. Just dial 1-800-JizzJar and our licensed and trained experts will walk you through how to feign a head ache and throw the Herp Derpers into a confused fit, long enough for you to escape.
On another note- college gameday will be in town tonight. That's GOT to make aggy cringe because as it stands, aggy has been featured on college gameday 10 times (today will be number 11) and have a record of 1-9. Talk about a kiss of death.
I haven't seen anybody fold like that since aggy lost to UCLA 45-44 in 2017. It was 38-10 aggy at the half (for those of you that forgot).
Look in the bright side aggy, if you lose tonight, you'll still have your Dixie Chicken and something warm and cuddly to cry your tears into later. (Sorry sheep)...
A shout out to my dear friend and aggy Terry Wooten. His BBQ joint, Cooper's Old Time BBQ will be featured today by ESPN. When asked by ESPN what he'd like to bring in to serve to the hosts he said "brisket, sausage, beef ribs, pork ribs, pork chop and cabrito." He was vetoed by the aggy admin on the cabrito. They were afraid too many aggy fans would worry if their girlfriends went missing.
Speaking of girlfriends- ESPN- do us a favor. If aggy does manage to score tonight, please don't cut away to the crowd and show us the aggy dudes kissing on their sweat-hog girlfriends. I watched Nebraska vs Iowa last night and saw enough sides of beef to start a steakhouse.
It just dawned on Clob that I'm supposed to give you an SEC history lesson on our opponent today.
I feel pretty certain that everyone in here knows the history of Texas a&m.... so I'll simply give you this- 2/3rds 1/3rd....
That's the deal that Texas and a&m have when it comes to all that oil in the ground that makes us both so rich.
Texas gets 2/3rds of the money and aggy gets 1/3rd..... well........ if you look at the all time record between these 2 schools (taking out the ties) 76-37.....
76 + 37 = 113.
113 x 33% = 37.29 ...... aggy has won 1/3rd of all games won or lost.
How odd is that?
So gentlemen, sit back, relax, enjoy your Saturday.
It's been Clob's pleasure giving you this tour of Texas opponents this year. Let's finish strong tonight.
From my couching watching my 11 month old sleep in......
TEXAS!
After 13 long years, it's back. After they cried about DeLoss, they laughed about starting a network, they whined about ESPN giving us $300 million, they took their ball and ran away, they swore they'd never play us again, they got a handshake deal to lock us out, they got a blank national title trophy, they spent $100 million in buyouts, they pitched a fit about us joining, and after all that, Big Brother is back.
And in a comeback fit for a 1968 Elvis special, aggy will be playing us at their house, at night, with speakers to make it louder, on national TV, infront of their largest crowd ever, and most likely the largest TV crowd EVER to watch aggy play anything.
They could run a PPV special called "Sheep Fvcking in Howdytown" and they wouldn't draw 1/10th of this audience.
Ya, you're welcome aggy...... Once again, just hanging on to Daddy's coat tails will get you a day in the sun at some point.
I do find the irony delicioso...... the biggest game EVER for aggy and it's not played against Bama, or LSU or Jaw Jaw- their new "friends" that they ran over to in cuck fashion.
Nope.
It's played against the old tried and true by God Texas Longhornd. The aggys are creators of such hits as "Battered aggy Syndrome" and "we didn't lose, we ran out of time". And everyone's favorite "But Texas owns the referees!".
After 13 years in the SEC, I haven't seen aggys this cagey since Case McCoy decided to tuck it and run. In fact, that was the last time I remember seeing aggy at all.
The eyes of the state will be upon the thriving metropolis of Bryan/College Station tonight as the town swells from 150,000 thousand residents to over 300,000 people and a few thousand sheep. A side note to all you soon to be VERY upset aggys, angry-drunk sex is not safe for you or your 4 legged wooly companion. "Baaaaaaaaa" means no.
And for you poor sheep/lamb/goats out there, there's a special hotline being opened tonight just for you, should you feel as though you're being abused by your aggy. Just dial 1-800-JizzJar and our licensed and trained experts will walk you through how to feign a head ache and throw the Herp Derpers into a confused fit, long enough for you to escape.
On another note- college gameday will be in town tonight. That's GOT to make aggy cringe because as it stands, aggy has been featured on college gameday 10 times (today will be number 11) and have a record of 1-9. Talk about a kiss of death.
I haven't seen anybody fold like that since aggy lost to UCLA 45-44 in 2017. It was 38-10 aggy at the half (for those of you that forgot).
Look in the bright side aggy, if you lose tonight, you'll still have your Dixie Chicken and something warm and cuddly to cry your tears into later. (Sorry sheep)...
A shout out to my dear friend and aggy Terry Wooten. His BBQ joint, Cooper's Old Time BBQ will be featured today by ESPN. When asked by ESPN what he'd like to bring in to serve to the hosts he said "brisket, sausage, beef ribs, pork ribs, pork chop and cabrito." He was vetoed by the aggy admin on the cabrito. They were afraid too many aggy fans would worry if their girlfriends went missing.
Speaking of girlfriends- ESPN- do us a favor. If aggy does manage to score tonight, please don't cut away to the crowd and show us the aggy dudes kissing on their sweat-hog girlfriends. I watched Nebraska vs Iowa last night and saw enough sides of beef to start a steakhouse.
It just dawned on Clob that I'm supposed to give you an SEC history lesson on our opponent today.
I feel pretty certain that everyone in here knows the history of Texas a&m.... so I'll simply give you this- 2/3rds 1/3rd....
That's the deal that Texas and a&m have when it comes to all that oil in the ground that makes us both so rich.
Texas gets 2/3rds of the money and aggy gets 1/3rd..... well........ if you look at the all time record between these 2 schools (taking out the ties) 76-37.....
76 + 37 = 113.
113 x 33% = 37.29 ...... aggy has won 1/3rd of all games won or lost.
How odd is that?
So gentlemen, sit back, relax, enjoy your Saturday.
It's been Clob's pleasure giving you this tour of Texas opponents this year. Let's finish strong tonight.
From my couching watching my 11 month old sleep in......
TEXAS!
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