How did Helen Keller's punish her?
Rearrange the furniture.
Put doorknobs on the walls.
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Rearrange the furniture.
Put doorknobs on the walls.
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
OT: Off season sux so let's start a joke thread
- Thread starter clob94
- Start date
Lol.
did you hear about Evil Knievel's biggest failed stunt?
he tried to ride across Ethiopia with sandwiches tied to his handlebars.
Your right.......none of those things are funny either. Political correctness and funny are not mutually exclusive and there are plenty of people in this world that can ascertain the difference between funny and crude.
You evidently cannot.
Anthony Jeselnik talking about his ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend....
"I heard he's abusive, which makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat....and blame it on her boyfriend."
LMFAO!
"I heard he's abusive, which makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat....and blame it on her boyfriend."
LMFAO!
At the dawn of time, God vanished for 6 days and when he reappeared he seems exhausted. Gabriel approached the Lord and asked him, "father, where did you go?"
God responded with-
"Gabriel, I have been busy creating a masterpiece I am calling earth. It is my most wonderful creation ever. I have created all things in perfect balance. Do you see the water I have created?"
Gabriel nodded his head. The Lord continued-
"To keep the balance, I have created dry areas called land. Then I created man, and to balance that I then created woman."
Gabriel smiled with joy and approval.
"Then Gabriel, I made this world to have seasons. One hot, one cold, and two that signal both the beginning of new life, and the other to show the ending of old life."
Gabriel was astonished.
Then God pointed to a spot of land in central texas and said, "and here gabriel, I shall put my greatest creation yet. I shall make a town called austin. And in that wonderful city there will be a school called the university of texas. It will be filled with curious students, eager to learn. They will be academic leaders, they will be the envy of all the sports world. It will be filled with well traveled and cultured students and teachers and be a beacon of knowledge for all to see."
Gabriel then said, "but my lord, if you make a place this exquisite, what will you do to restore the balance?"
The Lord said, "wait till you see the loudmouth bunch of a$$holes I'm going to put 90 miles down the road from them."
This post was edited on 2/19 10:47 AM by clob94
God responded with-
"Gabriel, I have been busy creating a masterpiece I am calling earth. It is my most wonderful creation ever. I have created all things in perfect balance. Do you see the water I have created?"
Gabriel nodded his head. The Lord continued-
"To keep the balance, I have created dry areas called land. Then I created man, and to balance that I then created woman."
Gabriel smiled with joy and approval.
"Then Gabriel, I made this world to have seasons. One hot, one cold, and two that signal both the beginning of new life, and the other to show the ending of old life."
Gabriel was astonished.
Then God pointed to a spot of land in central texas and said, "and here gabriel, I shall put my greatest creation yet. I shall make a town called austin. And in that wonderful city there will be a school called the university of texas. It will be filled with curious students, eager to learn. They will be academic leaders, they will be the envy of all the sports world. It will be filled with well traveled and cultured students and teachers and be a beacon of knowledge for all to see."
Gabriel then said, "but my lord, if you make a place this exquisite, what will you do to restore the balance?"
The Lord said, "wait till you see the loudmouth bunch of a$$holes I'm going to put 90 miles down the road from them."
This post was edited on 2/19 10:47 AM by clob94
This old farmer is sitting on his poarch one afternoon just rocking and taking it easy when this flashy red convertable corvetts pulls up and this "hollywood" pretty boy steps out sungalsses and all and walks up to the farmer. He says hey old timer! Is this all your land out here?...The farmers says yep. The pretty boy says.."I couldnt help but notice that you had a big field of sunflowers by the road. Do You mind if I lay out there and get a sun tan?" The farmer says go ahead and the guy drives off. 15 min later he comes back absolutely glowing! A real George Hamilton tan. The farmer just looks at him.Then the guy says....while I was getting my tan I noticed a patch of milkweed out there....mind if I go get some milk? The farmer nods his approval and the guy drives off.....10 min later he drives back and has 2 big pails of milk,ice cold. He gives one to the farmer and says this is for you. The farmer just looks at him....Then the guys says....by the way, while I was getting that milk I saw you had a tank in the back with some pussy willow growing around it....the farmer jumps straight up and says...now just hold on a minute! Let me get my hat....I'll go with you
2 aggies meet on campus one day. One is riding a bicycle. The other asks "How'd you get that bike? The other says" The other day, I was walking behind campus. A beautiful girl came along on the bike. She stopped, took off her clothes, and said Take what you want." The first Aggie said, " yeah, good call. The clothes wouldn't have fit."
