OT: Oh no's! The "IRS" is going to raid me!

[clob94]

I got a phone call simultaneously on both my cell phones a little while ago. Both from the same number 805-553-8977. A woman with an accent I could only describe as either Pakistani or Indian was on the other line. She asked if I was the clob..... had all my personal info etc... mind you, it sounded like she was calling me from inside a slaughter house (very loud) and then she identified herself as an IRS agent and informed me that I owed the IRS "several hundred Tousand dolla".


Soooooo......... I went into "oh no's!" troll mode. Back and forth we went over what I owed them. Time and again she kept escalating the rhetoric. Finally, after about 30 minutes of entertaining myself at her expense, she wanted my credit card number. So I take out my Amex and give her the first four numbers, followed by 11 complete bullsh!t numbers and a bullsh!t expiration date. She reads the card back to me, I agree the numbers are correct and she runs the card, only for it to be obviously denied. She read the numbers again and this time I was line "no, no the last number is a five, not a nine.". So rinse repeat this gag about four times before she's had enough. She finally says to me the following:

Scam B!tch- "Mr. Clob! This is serious! You give me money now or I will forced to send a SWAT to your house and they will raid your house and kick down your door and shoot you!"
Mr. Clob- "Will you be joining them?"
SB- "Yes! I will tell SWAT which house is yours and you...
MC-- "But I don't live in a house, I live in a condo....."
SB- "Then swat come to your condo and we will kick in the door!"
MC- "But what if I'm not home?"
SB- "We will kick in door and raid house and wait for you to come home.......
MC- "Well just so you know, there's some dirty clothes that need to be washed and if anyone gets thirsty, there's some really good beer in the fridge and I usually keep beef jerky in the pantry. Do you like beef jerky?"

(click)

 

[bubba2023]

The cherry on top would have been working in some loofa talk.

 

[2300 Nueces]

Or some hemorrhoid advice.

 

[TX1972]

My new phone shtick for unrecognizable numbers is: Who are you and why have you disturbed my peace? So far all the little bastards have immediately hung up.

 

[LonghornMM]

I got a phone call simultaneously on both my cell phones a little while ago. Both from the same number 805-553-8977. A woman with an accent I could only describe as either Pakistani or Indian was on the other line. She asked if I was the clob..... had all my personal info etc... mind you, it sounded like she was calling me from inside a slaughter house (very loud) and then she identified herself as an IRS agent and informed me that I owed the IRS "several hundred Tousand dolla".


Soooooo......... I went into "oh no's!" troll mode. Back and forth we went over what I owed them. Time and again she kept escalating the rhetoric. Finally, after about 30 minutes of entertaining myself at her expense, she wanted my credit card number. So I take out my Amex and give her the first four numbers, followed by 11 complete bullsh!t numbers and a bullsh!t expiration date. She reads the card back to me, I agree the numbers are correct and she runs the card, only for it to be obviously denied. She read the numbers again and this time I was line "no, no the last number is a five, not a nine.". So rinse repeat this gag about four times before she's had enough. She finally says to me the following:

Scam B!tch- "Mr. Clob! This is serious! You give me money now or I will forced to send a SWAT to your house and they will raid your house and kick down your door and shoot you!"
Mr. Clob- "Will you be joining them?"
SB- "Yes! I will tell SWAT which house is yours and you...
MC-- "But I don't live in a house, I live in a condo....."
SB- "Then swat come to your condo and we will kick in the door!"
MC- "But what if I'm not home?"
SB- "We will kick in door and raid house and wait for you to come home.......
MC- "Well just so you know, there's some dirty clothes that need to be washed and if anyone gets thirsty, there's some really good beer in the fridge and I usually keep beef jerky in the pantry. Do you like beef jerky?"

(click)

LMAO!!!! Well done, clob!!

 

[Cotton #12]

Good,I had some scam calls from said IRS but never did jerk their chain.Good Idea.

 

[diadevic]

I was audited once by the IRS. Very similar experience.

 

[LongfellowDrew]

“They will raid your house” I would’ve followed up with not in Texas biatch....click

 

[freeper]

Couple years ago we were at Disneyworld when my wife gets the same call. Not a Paki accent though, this was Eastern European. Takes my wife a couple minutes to figure out it's a scam. Then she asks the "agent" if they would speak to her husband as I was on the tax return as well. "Agent" agreed, so I listened to their schtick. As a former financial crimes investigator who worked with the IRS regularly in criminal investigations, I was amused as hell. Especially when they told me that failure to pay up would result in SWAT coming to my door. I asked the "agent" to give me the name of the federal judge who had signed the warrant....that tripped him up long enough for me to scream into the phone for him to bring it and the rest of the low rent Croation mobsters with him....just before I hung up....

 

[clob94]

“They will raid your house” I would’ve followed up with not in Texas biatch....click

I figured, the longer I kept his stupid a$$ on the phone with me, the fewer people his stupid a$$ could call today.

 

[ryan_sublett]

I heard about a similar scam on the news the other day. That’s some funny stuff Clob. This should be pretty self explanatory but if for whatever reason anyone does owe the irs that’s not how they would go about getting you. Shouldn’t have to say that, but just in case.

 

[Okie70]

Good work Clob. Actually got one of these jerk calls today, also 805 area code (where is that? Karachi?) and just tune them out. Will remember your story from next time. And will remind caller I was U.S. Navy. Viet Nam guy. And have some Navy Seal pals who would like to meet her.

 

[GuaranteedFresh!]

A buddy of mine got the call as well last week. Once he figured out it was a scam he said he only uses paypal and of course, the "irs lady" would accept it. He told her he'll send her $1 for every nude selfie she sends him. *click*

 

[HenryHiggins]

Got a couple of these, also. They shut down pretty quick when I told them I was doing nothing until I was contacted by the IRS and that I wasn't stupid enough to believe they contracted with out of country assholes to try to collect.

 

[tonyquart]

Maybe I need to do this to those IRS scammers sometimes. I never answer all of those calls, or if I accidentally answer one of their calls (mostly because they spoofed local numbers), I just hung up on them almost instantly. Last time I got 3 calls from 281-407-0678 within 10 minutes. I looked up the number and found some reports have been filed at http://www.whycall.me/281-407-0678.html even since few months ago! I just block the number immediately without even picking up my phone.

 

[cwillfromdatx]

It's a total SCAM. It have happened to me in the same form but i had a good one for the Indian man. I told him, "you do know I am an FBI agent and I'm tracking your number as we speak". CLICK. Lol

 

[HornsRuleU]

Asking her about loofas could backfire. The loofa plant is from India.

OTOH, if she says she has no idea what a loofa is, she could be legit. Real IRS agents don't use any loofas. They use a single bar of soap. The problem is that Indians usually do the same.

It could be fun, though, to see if she'll answer the multiple loofas question, and to ask pointedly which ones are used for what.

 

[HornsRuleU]

Asking her about loofas could backfire. The loofa plant is from India.

OTOH, if she says she has no idea what a loofa is, she could be legit. Real IRS agents don't use any loofas. They use a single bar of soap. The problem is that Indians usually do the same.

It could be fun, though, to see if she'll answer the multiple loofas question, and to ask pointedly which ones are used for what.

Of course I was joking there. Or as my kids say, trying to joke.

I got a fake IRS guy to hang up on me because I was so shocked the IRS would ever bother me for anything. We're pretty straight arrow and don't make all that much. They'd never waste their time. I gave him an earful before he hung up.

If they call back, I'll try out some Hindi on them! Aap kahAA~ se kyaa hai? आप कहाँ से क्या है? Not all Indians know Hindi, but it's the national language, and 99.99% of Pakistanis know it as Urdu.

 

[clob94]

Showing off to us with his Indian dialogue.

 

[cml7374]

Im trying to remember these phone numbers that you guys are getting from these idiots so i can be prepared to answer the phone with......"Thank you for calling the FBI can i help you?" I would go with "Federal Bureau of Investigation" but im pretty sure they wouldnt put that and FBI as being one and the same.

 

[freeper]

Showing off to us with his Indian dialogue.

Sometimes showing off pays...sometimes it don't. True story. About 10 years ago I was a fraud detective at a mid-sized police department. My partner was a former Army Green Beret. He spoke fluent Russian, though he had precious little reason to use it at our department. My Spanish was in much more demand. Anyways, one day we're sitting in the squad bay and I'm working on some paperwork. My partner was doing his turn as the squad duty detective and I hear his phone ring. He answers it and then responds to whoever is on the other end, in a stream of rapid Russian. My eyes were wide as the conversation kept up.

As it turned out the caller on the other end was an agent for the French National Police. We would learn later that she was also a very attractive agent for the French National Police but I digress. She was working a big cell phone theft and internet scam and needed some local muscle to help as one of her suspects had ties to Nevada. She had decided to speak in Russian as a gag, to demonstrate her all around superiority as a cop, as an investigator, as a European, and pretty much just trying to establish the pecking order for us lowly colonials. She figured there was no way an American detective in Podunk Nevada was going to speak Russian. She lost that bet. There was one man on our 300+ department who spoke fluent Russian and she got him when she called....good thing for her she wasn't at the craps table at the time...

Well she and my partner ended up becoming good friends during the course of the investigation. I was the lucky one who identified the suspect when he finally arrived in Nevada and we grabbed him. After that collar, Frenchie's opinion of American's went up even more.

 

[HornsRuleU]

Showing off to us with his Indian dialogue.

It's gotta be worth something besides 10 hours at UT.

 

[clob94]

Wait... all that and we don't get the dirt on how the snatch and grab went down? Do you climax bro?

Sometimes showing off pays...sometimes it don't. True story. About 10 years ago I was a fraud detective at a mid-sized police department. My partner was a former Army Green Beret. He spoke fluent Russian, though he had precious little reason to use it at our department. My Spanish was in much more demand. Anyways, one day we're sitting in the squad bay and I'm working on some paperwork. My partner was doing his turn as the squad duty detective and I hear his phone ring. He answers it and then responds to whoever is on the other end, in a stream of rapid Russian. My eyes were wide as the conversation kept up.

As it turned out the caller on the other end was an agent for the French National Police. We would learn later that she was also a very attractive agent for the French National Police but I digress. She was working a big cell phone theft and internet scam and needed some local muscle to help as one of her suspects had ties to Nevada. She had decided to speak in Russian as a gag, to demonstrate her all around superiority as a cop, as an investigator, as a European, and pretty much just trying to establish the pecking order for us lowly colonials. She figured there was no way an American detective in Podunk Nevada was going to speak Russian. She lost that bet. There was one man on our 300+ department who spoke fluent Russian and she got him when she called....good thing for her she wasn't at the craps table at the time...

Well she and my partner ended up becoming good friends during the course of the investigation. I was the lucky one who identified the suspect when he finally arrived in Nevada and we grabbed him. After that collar, Frenchie's opinion of American's went up even more.