Good news COVID Mask Aficionado! My new "COVID Mask Aficionado" 3-Pack is now in stock and ready for delivery. Here's what you get:
You've got your daily wearer, our "Saran Wrap" 'Vid mask, for indoor use around other people. This bad boy is no ordinary daily wearer. Its lined with Saran Wrap. Guaranteed to be impervious to either the receipt or transmission of the dreaded 'vid, if worn properly. For more on that, see below.
Second, our "PIece de Resistance," the "California Car COVID" mask. Specially made for our morally superior West Coast friends. This one is has a sporty design, perfect for wearing in the car, especially alone with the windows rolled up and the A/C running on high. I'm also throwing in for free your choice of monograms or messages knitted onto the mask. Popular ones include "Virtuous", "I care" and "F the Republicans and Trump"
Third, you have the rugged, all weather, "Outdoorsman" 'VID Mask. You can look just like your favorite virtuous celebrity from those outdoor photo ops. This one is perfect for hikes in our National Parks or photo safaris on the plains of the Serengetti. 100% guaranteed that you won't transmit the 'Vid to any bear, bull moose , lion, bull elephant, hippo or other angry critter you might encounter during your activity!
If outdoor, nature-related activities ain't your thang, you can substitute my "SJW" 'Vid mask for the "Outdoorsman." This one is perforated and highly breathable for those strenuous SJW activities like protesting and marching in support of SJW causes and related ancillary activities such as rioting, looting and otherwise helping yourself to "well deserved" reparations. Of course the perforations and breathability are fine since "Science!" has definitely proven that the 'Vid is repelled and rendered wholly ineffectual by SJW activities, just like Superman is by Kriptonite.
Also, for those only interested in the absolute safety of the "Saran Wrap" 'Vid mask, we can include 3 of those only, plus offer up a special discount we've arranged with some of the finest plastic surgeons around the Country to have the Saran Wrap 'Vid mask surgically attached to the face. Never again be paralyzed by the uncertainty of whether you're properly wearing a properly fitted 'Vid mask!
