The other thread inspired me to ask for advice on here. I’ve seen some people get great help and I’m at a loss.
LONG STORY - you’ve been warned.
I’m the middle of three brothers 45/46/49. Our parents passed away by the time I was 30.
My younger brother has struggled with adulting his whole life but losing my mom 17 years ago seemed to derail him even more. A few years after she died he was losing his place to stay and in a bad place. I let him stay with me for 7 months, helped him get a “real” job at the district where I worked, and he seemed to be doing ok. I later helped him get on at another.
Fast forward - I’ve known he was an alcoholic but In the past 5 years or so his drinking has gotten severe. He’s drinking at a level that will probably be his end before long.
Ive been supportive with help in the past but I think all I’ve done with help prop him up and continue this spiral. If I let him borrow money to fix his car or pay for a medical bill, that’s more money he can use to drink.
Important to note that I sent him to rehab last year out of my pocket because he had no money of course. He seemed to embrace it and did well while in but didn’t really go to meetings or pursue active recovery. He started dabbling here and there and now here we are and it’s severe.
So now I’m at the point where I’ve made it clear he can’t move in with me if he screws around and loses his job. Im only paying for rehab once. Im not vouching for him for any other jobs.
So here we are. He spends every dollar he has every check and now he’s having car and health problems (diabetes is the main issue). I’ve loaned him money 3-4 times per year and he’s always paid me back. I’ve just learned that he has borrowed from me, my other brother and the roommate for his car but spending a lot on booze every day after work.
If you’ve made it this far thanks for letting me ramble on. This all came to a head on Mothers Day when he sent me and my other brother a drunk text with a pity party about his health and money problems, please help me get thru this, etc.
I think I’ve finally hit the wall here. My gut tells me the best thing to do is let him hit rock bottom. Maybe if he loses his job and place and he’s living in car and life is he’ll be will see the light. I dunno. He’s killing himself and I feel helpless to help him.
LONG STORY - you’ve been warned.
I’m the middle of three brothers 45/46/49. Our parents passed away by the time I was 30.
My younger brother has struggled with adulting his whole life but losing my mom 17 years ago seemed to derail him even more. A few years after she died he was losing his place to stay and in a bad place. I let him stay with me for 7 months, helped him get a “real” job at the district where I worked, and he seemed to be doing ok. I later helped him get on at another.
Fast forward - I’ve known he was an alcoholic but In the past 5 years or so his drinking has gotten severe. He’s drinking at a level that will probably be his end before long.
Ive been supportive with help in the past but I think all I’ve done with help prop him up and continue this spiral. If I let him borrow money to fix his car or pay for a medical bill, that’s more money he can use to drink.
Important to note that I sent him to rehab last year out of my pocket because he had no money of course. He seemed to embrace it and did well while in but didn’t really go to meetings or pursue active recovery. He started dabbling here and there and now here we are and it’s severe.
So now I’m at the point where I’ve made it clear he can’t move in with me if he screws around and loses his job. Im only paying for rehab once. Im not vouching for him for any other jobs.
So here we are. He spends every dollar he has every check and now he’s having car and health problems (diabetes is the main issue). I’ve loaned him money 3-4 times per year and he’s always paid me back. I’ve just learned that he has borrowed from me, my other brother and the roommate for his car but spending a lot on booze every day after work.
If you’ve made it this far thanks for letting me ramble on. This all came to a head on Mothers Day when he sent me and my other brother a drunk text with a pity party about his health and money problems, please help me get thru this, etc.
I think I’ve finally hit the wall here. My gut tells me the best thing to do is let him hit rock bottom. Maybe if he loses his job and place and he’s living in car and life is he’ll be will see the light. I dunno. He’s killing himself and I feel helpless to help him.
