OT; The Lighter Side of Life!

[StrangerHorn]

He sure is!

A young Shankill woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia."
"I see," the captain says 'and thats all is it?'
Her conscience then got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's fecking me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Larne-Cairnryan Ferry."

 

[oldhorn2]

this guy walks up to another guy in a bar and asks if he wants to hear an aggy joke. The guy says....I love aggy jokes, but before you tell it I have to point out that I have about 80 pounds and 6 inches on you and I went to aTm. Besides that....the guy on the other side of me is 6' 5 " and weighs 270 lbs and he went to aTm. Something else you should know is that the guy on the other side of you is 6'9" and weighs 290.....and he went to aTm.


Now that I have told you that, do you still want to tell that aggy joke?...…..The guy says....I guess not....I would have to explain it 3 times.

 

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[DHHorn]

A nurse walks in to give her COVID-19 patient a sponge bath. As she is prepping her sponge the patient asks through his breathing mask “Are my testicles black?” The nurse politely says “Sir, I am only supposed to clean your arms, chest, and legs”. As she continues to give him his sponge bath the patient again asks “Are my testicles black?” The nurse pretends to not hear him this time and continues with the sponge bath. Now the patient is obviously getting agitated and now asks in a louder voice “ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?” Now the nurse seeing him getting agitated decides she does not want him to get upset and stress himself out because it could be bad for his treatment decides to go ahead a take a look. The nurse lifts his gown grabs his penis in one hand and his balls in the other and thoroughly inspects them. “Sir they look fine to me” she said. The patient immediately sits up and takes his mask off and says “Thanks for that, but do you know if my test results are back?”