OT: Why God dislikes me-- a casual observation..

[clob94]

Every time I fly----- every fvcking time--- I end up next to the biggest, fattest, nastiest sweat hog ever. Just landed in Phoenix and I rode 2 and a half hours next to a guy that weighed 400 EASY. Dude couldn't put the arm rest down because of his saddle bags. He farmed the entire flight. Dude had NASTY body odor but I rarely got to enjoy it because of his putrid farts. He smelled like refried beans, 15 day old chorizo and bad decisions. And what's worse, we were on a freaking little business jet. Two rows on each side. Worse yet, there's storms in the area over new Mexico so I couldn't get up and stand at the back and flirt with the flight attendants like usual.

Just once-- ONE TIME, I want to sit next to a hot, unmarried chick. Just once! I've got 5 million air miles, 5 million-- NEVER have I had a flight next to a looker.

God hates me when I fly.

 

[CoachEmUp64]

I always strike out on flights as well. However, once on a flight back from Spain I had an entire middle row of 5 seats to myself. It was glorious. I laid down across all 5 and slept the whole way back.

Not trying to high jack your thread... But you going to make it out to a practice anytime soon this fall camp? Would love to hear your observations.

 

[Son of Wasatch]

Few years ago I was flying from LA to New York, I'm thinking this was going to be one boring ass flight when this absolutely breathtaking woman came on board, easily one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She walked right up to my row and her seat was right next to mine.

She sat right next to me so I got up went to the restroom and made sure I wasn't the smelly guy. I sat down and when the flight got underway I greeted her and asked her if her trip to New York was for business or pleasure.

She proceeds to tell me that she was going up there for a conference on sexual disorders. She called it a different name but I can't remember. So this really peaked my interest so I did a little digging and after a few drinks she told me she was a keynote speaker as she was a recovering Nymphomainic. I was shocked as she didn't look like someone with that problem.

So I had to ask, and she started to tell me all about her experiences including some sexual misconceptions.

By her experience black men don't have the biggest units, that title belongs to native Americans. Then she started to tell me that many believe that French men are the best lovers but that title actually belongs to Mexican men. Finally she was telling me that the men to tend to have the longest staying power were Rednecks from the Deep South.

All this talk had me so honey I wanted her badly. After another drink she shook my hand and asked me my name, I told her my name was Tonto Gonzalez but my friends call me Bubba.

 

[LongfellowDrew]

Every time I fly----- every fvcking time--- I end up next to the biggest, fattest, nastiest sweat hog ever. Just landed in Phoenix and I rode 2 and a half hours next to a guy that weighed 400 EASY. Dude couldn't put the arm rest down because of his saddle bags. He farmed the entire flight. Dude had NASTY body odor but I rarely got to enjoy it because of his putrid farts. He smelled like refried beans, 15 day old chorizo and bad decisions. And what's worse, we were on a freaking little business jet. Two rows on each side. Worse yet, there's storms in the area over new Mexico so I couldn't get up and stand at the back and flirt with the flight attendants like usual.

Just once-- ONE TIME, I want to sit next to a hot, unmarried chick. Just once! I've got 5 million air miles, 5 million-- NEVER have I had a flight next to a looker.

God hates me when I fly.

Not to brag but I fly a lot and it's always next to a hot chic!

My wife but still!

 

[clob94]

I always strike out on flights as well. However, once on a flight back from Spain I had an entire middle row of 5 seats to myself. It was glorious. I laid down across all 5 and slept the whole way back.

Not trying to high jack your thread... But you going to make it out to a practice anytime soon this fall camp? Would love to hear your observations.

Shhhhhhh! You know I'm going early and late. But one does not simply "ask" when---- for stealth reasons.

 

[Belldozer1]

Every time I fly----- every fvcking time--- I end up next to the biggest, fattest, nastiest sweat hog ever. Just landed in Phoenix and I rode 2 and a half hours next to a guy that weighed 400 EASY. Dude couldn't put the arm rest down because of his saddle bags. He farmed the entire flight. Dude had NASTY body odor but I rarely got to enjoy it because of his putrid farts. He smelled like refried beans, 15 day old chorizo and bad decisions. And what's worse, we were on a freaking little business jet. Two rows on each side. Worse yet, there's storms in the area over new Mexico so I couldn't get up and stand at the back and flirt with the flight attendants like usual.

Just once-- ONE TIME, I want to sit next to a hot, unmarried chick. Just once! I've got 5 million air miles, 5 million-- NEVER have I had a flight next to a looker.

God hates me when I fly.

Are you wearing burnt orange when you fly by any chance?

 

[clob94]

In point of fact- I always travel with my lucky Texas hat. All 50 states and 28 countries and it's always made sure I got home in one piece. I love it-- won't fly without it.

 

[Heisennberg]

I once sat next to a hot mexican woman on a 13 hour flight from tokyo. we chatted while drinking shots of liquor almost the whole flight. Could have been you man! Lucky me, ive never sat next to that 400 pound farting bean eater. Not yet at least.

 

[clob94]

This time I've got a 7 year old boy with his spiderman fluffy doll to my left. Mom and baby sister across the isle-- baby finally went b to sleep after crying for an hour. Behind me is husband and wife with THEIR crying baby---

Thank God for noise reducing headset and booze...... and thank God phoenix to SA is a 2 hour 15 minute flight.

See--- this is what I mean.... I complain to you guys about a fat man and the return flight I get crying babies. God hates me when I fly.

For future reference to all you guys- T Mobile does allow free Internet on American Airlines flights.