Senior citizen fun

[hillcountryhorn63697005]

I went into San Antonio and visited a store. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break? " He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "knucklehead." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So I called him a "dufus head". He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at me and walked away. Just then my bus arrived, and I got on it and went home. I always look for cars with ou stickers. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. ...It’s so important at my age!!
Hook em Horns!

 

[clob94]

A military joke I heard the other day:

Some special operations guys decide to go on a camping trip to get away from the bullets and blood and do some drinking.
A recon marine, an airborne ranger, a navy SEAL and a Delta operator.
They get to drinking whiskey and alpha male bad a$$ stories start getting told.
The marine says "I once got separated from my recon unit in Fallujah during this huge fire fight. I ran out of 5.56 ammo and had to fight my way across town with only my side arm and my knife. For 6 clicks I snuck up on Tali and shot and stabbed them until I made it to the green zone. Probly killed 20 Haji's."
The ranger take a swig of whiskey and says "oh ya? We were in Afghanistan a while back and we were jumping into an air field that we needed captured. Our osprey took anti air fire and was shot down and all my rangers were injured but me. I single handedly captured the airfield and defended my soldiers from at least 40 taliban, killing them all."

The SEAL chuckles and says "OH really? Well about 6 months ago we did a HALO jump in the ocean to capture an offshore rig and rescue the crew being held hostage. Probly was it was a bad jump and all our gear was sunk including out weapons and zodiac. So I swam 10 kilometers and boarded the rig and strangled the 25 hostage takers with my bare hands and not a single hostage was injured."

The guys all have a laugh and then simultaneously look over at the Delta operator in anticipation.
The Delta guy just smiles and stirs the campfire coals with his dick.

 

[TXSFRED]

A military joke I heard the other day:

Some special operations guys decide to go on a camping trip to get away from the bullets and blood and do some drinking.
A recon marine, an airborne ranger, a navy SEAL and a Delta operator.
They get to drinking whiskey and alpha male bad a$$ stories start getting told.
The marine says "I once got separated from my recon unit in Fallujah during this huge fire fight. I ran out of 5.56 ammo and had to fight my way across town with only my side arm and my knife. For 6 clicks I snuck up on Tali and shot and stabbed them until I made it to the green zone. Probly killed 20 Haji's."
The ranger take a swig of whiskey and says "oh ya? We were in Afghanistan a while back and we were jumping into an air field that we needed captured. Our osprey took anti air fire and was shot down and all my rangers were injured but me. I single handedly captured the airfield and defended my soldiers from at least 40 taliban, killing them all."

The SEAL chuckles and says "OH really? Well about 6 months ago we did a HALO jump in the ocean to capture an offshore rig and rescue the crew being held hostage. Probly was it was a bad jump and all our gear was sunk including out weapons and zodiac. So I swam 10 kilometers and boarded the rig and strangled the 25 hostage takers with my bare hands and not a single hostage was injured."

The guys all have a laugh and then simultaneously look over at the Delta operator in anticipation.
The Delta guy just smiles and stirs the campfire coals with his dick.

That's a very good Armed forces Joke, Clob. When I tell it, guess who will just smile and stir.....

"There are only two kinds of people that understand Marines: Marines and those who have met them in battle. Everyone else has a second-hand opinion."

Gen. William Thornson, U.S. Army

Semper Fi,

TxsFred

 

[clob94]

@TXSFRED bucking for the corps.

I've got nothing but love for the marines my man, but you've got to admit, those tier 1 boys are bad mofos.

 

[GuaranteedFresh!]

@TXSFRED bucking for the corps.

I've got nothing but love for the marines my man, but you've got to admit, those tier 1 boys are bad mofos.

Yessir, they sure are. My dick didn't stir any coals but I might have used it to roast a marshmellow or 2. We PJs didn't get very much recognition but that's not what it was all about.

"These things we do, that other may live."

 

[TXSFRED]

@TXSFRED bucking for the corps.

I've got nothing but love for the marines my man, but you've got to admit, those tier 1 boys are bad mofos.

Clob I seriously like 'em all...Line Heavy (Army) and light ( MARINES are light Infantry- although they have heavied up in recent years) Special Forces, Navy, AF, and USCG. My Daddies of WWII and my older Brothers of Korea recruited me.

Funny true story. I am in the Y dressing after a work out, and I pop my usual USMC Ball cap on my head. I hear this voice say

" We didn't let MARINES on our base..."

So I said, 'What kind of base was that, son?"

"SEAL base." This well set up young man walked around the lockers.

I said, " Answer me a question, then, SEAL. Is it true you have to lay on the bottom of a pool and drown yourself- trusting that 'they" will come get you and resusitate?"

"Yes."

"Then I could never be a SEAL. I don't trust ANYONE that much. I'm more the guy that if my hands are on it, I will figure out what has to be done with it."

Then I said, " If there ever is a Rogue SEAL Team, Son, know who they will send to kill it?"

"You're gonna say MARINES.."

"Yep. You guys in SF get a lot more and better training and better weapons, too. . They aren't going to send another SEAL Team to get the Rogue SEAL Team. MUCH Too expensive...Oh SEALs 'll stack 'em up like chord-wood at the gate...but at the end of the day, your SEALs'll be as dead as all those guys you kill in the assault. It's what they do, Son. They travel the world, meet interesting people - and kill them all."

( That's a lot of guff from a scuzzy Reserve who never even saw The Elephant, ain't it )

I just Love the MARINES. I was taught to say "us" but in my heart they are still them. On Fridays, I wear red for the MARINE Dependent, Mrs. Cathey. I, very carefully do not claim Veteran Status, being just a scuzzy Reserve.

As you know, Local MARINES mount an Honor Guard on MARINES who come home boxed up. Well, Mrs. Cathey intended to sleep with her Husband one last time at the Funeral Home, so she showed up there. The MARINE Guard Mount said, "Ma'am you realize we must stay here tonight, too...so we will just stand guard over you, as well." She said, "I think Cat would like that." The MARINES got her a mattress and blankets somewhere and made her bed on the floor by his casket. She played Cat's favorite songs on her computer most of the night.

I tried to insert a pic of the lady that started me wearing red on Fridays in 2004 but I haven't figured how to do that yet. Google "MARINE Wife sleeps by casket" and the pic comes up.

Semper Fi,

TXSFRED

 

[clob94]

Cool story man. Thanks.