My sophomore sunglasses are over on the shelf and I've broken out the suit and tie to have a real talk with you about this virus situation.
Peanut gallery, please keep the noise down.
People are dead. Anytime someone dies, it's bad--- for someone, somewhere. A baby is still born and it's parents and parent's parents-- parent's friends, etc etc mourn that loss.
Hitler offs himself in a bunker and Ava Braun cries and skin heads fifty years later mourn that loss.
Point--- when someone dies, USUALLY someone cares and is hurt inside.
As a person that relies on math, I am cogent enough to realize that someone is dying 24/7 on this planet. Someone just died right now. Someone else just died right now. Someone else just died too. Seriously, 100 people on the planet will died before you'll finish reading this paragraph.
All death sucks, especially if it's a loved one or friend. Your death won't suck because you won't know it. You'll be dead. Whether you believe in an afterlife (whatever your belief system may be or not) you're still dead. And you won't mourn it, because you'll be dead.
Most people FEAR death. Fear is a motivator to stay alive. But death is unavoidable. Prolonging it isn't a choice, all the time. If it were, we'd live forever.
Now let's look at facts based on numbers.
What kills people these days? All people die of essentially the same thing-- lack of oxygen to the brain. It could be caused because you had a massive heart attack and can't pump blood to your brain. It could be caused by drowning. It could also be caused by a bomb landing on you. But the fact is, oxygen stopped going to your brain. Hence, you're dead.
What is the biggest killer in this country?
Let's list the top ten-
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/leading-causes-of-death.htm
The Centers for Disease control say that heart disease in number 1.
2. cancer
3. accidents (ooops)
4. Lower respiratory disease
5. stroke
6. Alzheimer's (but you won't remember it)
7. diabetes (soon to be #1 -thanks refried beans)
8. Flu/pneumonia
9. nephrosis
10. Suicide
Being a numbers guy, I'm sure many of you can scroll down that list and tick of numerous people you know that fall into one of those 10 categories. However, can any of you remember when we as a nation were FORCED to address any of these issues?
I know that SOME places like NYC stopped selling 154 ounce big gulps to try and curb fat people from drinking sodas. I know tobacco companies were FORCED to put cancer warning labels on their products. I know ladders and blow dryers have warning labels like "don't fall off this" or "don't blow dry your hair while you're in the shower". But ask yourself-- who are these warnings for? Do you naturally want to just fall off a tall ladder? Or is it instinct to plug your blow dryer in and toss it into the bath tub with you?
No. These things are labeled because, unfortunately, we are a country that is populated by two certain sets of individuals that we all must be wary of.
1. Stupid people
2. Asshole lawyers
Let's address stupid people.
Stupid people now, officially, outnumber smart people. Don't believe me? Turn on YouTube and type in "hit in the balls". Enjoy yourself. Stupid people run that website.
Stupids (as I call them) wear helmets to masturbate. Stupids are the reason cigarette lighters say "Do not use near open flame". Stupids are why we have to take our shoes off at airports and must eat with plastic forks. Stupids are responsible for so many facets of our lives that we have had to change who we are as a society to accommodate them. We don't live by Darwinian law where the strongest survive, breed, propagate and flourish-- like every other animal species on the planet--- no no my friend--- we have to make special accommodations for the stupids. Look around you. Most of your life is directed by something that was created to control the populace because of the Stupids.
Don't believe me? Tide pods now have a label warning people NOT TO EAT THEM. I bought some baby wipes at the store yesterday that said "not for oral consumption" . Seriously. Who the fvck eats baby wipes? Stupids.
Let's talk about what Stupids are attracted to.
Fear! Emergencies! Warnings! Panic!
Stupids pay attention to these things because deep down, Stupids know they are already living on borrowed time and need all the help they can get.
Stupids watch news casts that riddle them with fear. Stupids LOVE to be afraid. It's their 2nd most natural state to be in. How do we pray upon stupids? Simple. We blast news casts that keep the Stupid afraid and keep them watching. And we REALLY crank it up to TEN when our news channel is dying in the ratings and we seriously need to keep the Stupids at home, not at work, so they can keep feeding the fear part of their brain by watching out news channel.
The Smarts know that diseases can spread with contact. We tell everyone to "be smart. Wash your hands. Stand away from people. Cover your mouth if you cough or sneeze. If you're sick or starting to feel sick, stay home. But that doesn't sell to the Stupids. We then convince the Stupids that wearing a cloth mask will keep them from dying. Smarts know that masks really only help a tiny bit with SPREADING a disease, not preventing you from contracting it. But Stupids don't get it. Stupids hoard things that won't keep you from getting sick. Like, toilet paper. All the smarts see the Stupids acting stupid and then the Smarts are forced to do something stupid like, buy some extra toilet paper, for fear of the Stupids buying it all and then having to use leaves to wipe their asses because of the Stupids hoarding habits.
When the Stupid get home, the Stupids are convinced by the fear mongering news they are watching that it's OK to go to the WalMart and the HEB and planned Parenthood, it appears those areas are free of disease for now-- but you can't go to your job and work because, well, your job is saturated with murder bugs and your Stupid ass will die and won't be able to watch our fear mongering news channel anymore.
Airliners are now punishing us because of the stupids. Do the math for me smart people. A 737 has two rows with three chairs each. We are supposed to stay 6 feet away from each other. The airlines are now saying they will keep the middle seat empty for "social distancing" (never mind you're not 6 feet away from any other passenger) but flight prices will increase by 50 to 75%.
Hold up-- an airplane drops 1 out of every 3 seats (that's 33% right?) But prices will go up by 50 to 75%? This has Stupids written all over it.
Thank you Stupids. You've now officially ruined air travel.
How about Los Angeles. They just announced they would leave the stay at home order in place for 3 more months. Honestly I'm all for it. No more sh!tty Hollywood movies, but those clowns will survive. Who won't survive are the people that run the taco stands. Or sell fruit on the street corners. Or run the local gas station. Or clean rich people's houses. Certain people say they care about poor people in this country when it's time to get their vote, but instead of letting them work, let's treat them like Stupid people and give them free money to survive while we keep everything shut down for, you know, the protection of the stupid people. Cui Bono? <---- that's Latin for "who benefits from this stupid sh!t?".
It's not the Stupid people who benefit. It's the Stupid people who vote for those that give them free stuff to continue to stay at home, living in fear, not working, but end up keeping their enablers in office. All because we as a nation aren't believed to be smart enough to stop touching people, wash our hands, and practice basic hygiene.
Thanks Stupid people. You're finally on the verge of ruining a planet.
Peanut gallery, please keep the noise down.
People are dead. Anytime someone dies, it's bad--- for someone, somewhere. A baby is still born and it's parents and parent's parents-- parent's friends, etc etc mourn that loss.
Hitler offs himself in a bunker and Ava Braun cries and skin heads fifty years later mourn that loss.
Point--- when someone dies, USUALLY someone cares and is hurt inside.
As a person that relies on math, I am cogent enough to realize that someone is dying 24/7 on this planet. Someone just died right now. Someone else just died right now. Someone else just died too. Seriously, 100 people on the planet will died before you'll finish reading this paragraph.
All death sucks, especially if it's a loved one or friend. Your death won't suck because you won't know it. You'll be dead. Whether you believe in an afterlife (whatever your belief system may be or not) you're still dead. And you won't mourn it, because you'll be dead.
Most people FEAR death. Fear is a motivator to stay alive. But death is unavoidable. Prolonging it isn't a choice, all the time. If it were, we'd live forever.
Now let's look at facts based on numbers.
What kills people these days? All people die of essentially the same thing-- lack of oxygen to the brain. It could be caused because you had a massive heart attack and can't pump blood to your brain. It could be caused by drowning. It could also be caused by a bomb landing on you. But the fact is, oxygen stopped going to your brain. Hence, you're dead.
What is the biggest killer in this country?
Let's list the top ten-
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/leading-causes-of-death.htm
The Centers for Disease control say that heart disease in number 1.
2. cancer
3. accidents (ooops)
4. Lower respiratory disease
5. stroke
6. Alzheimer's (but you won't remember it)
7. diabetes (soon to be #1 -thanks refried beans)
8. Flu/pneumonia
9. nephrosis
10. Suicide
Being a numbers guy, I'm sure many of you can scroll down that list and tick of numerous people you know that fall into one of those 10 categories. However, can any of you remember when we as a nation were FORCED to address any of these issues?
I know that SOME places like NYC stopped selling 154 ounce big gulps to try and curb fat people from drinking sodas. I know tobacco companies were FORCED to put cancer warning labels on their products. I know ladders and blow dryers have warning labels like "don't fall off this" or "don't blow dry your hair while you're in the shower". But ask yourself-- who are these warnings for? Do you naturally want to just fall off a tall ladder? Or is it instinct to plug your blow dryer in and toss it into the bath tub with you?
No. These things are labeled because, unfortunately, we are a country that is populated by two certain sets of individuals that we all must be wary of.
1. Stupid people
2. Asshole lawyers
Let's address stupid people.
Stupid people now, officially, outnumber smart people. Don't believe me? Turn on YouTube and type in "hit in the balls". Enjoy yourself. Stupid people run that website.
Stupids (as I call them) wear helmets to masturbate. Stupids are the reason cigarette lighters say "Do not use near open flame". Stupids are why we have to take our shoes off at airports and must eat with plastic forks. Stupids are responsible for so many facets of our lives that we have had to change who we are as a society to accommodate them. We don't live by Darwinian law where the strongest survive, breed, propagate and flourish-- like every other animal species on the planet--- no no my friend--- we have to make special accommodations for the stupids. Look around you. Most of your life is directed by something that was created to control the populace because of the Stupids.
Don't believe me? Tide pods now have a label warning people NOT TO EAT THEM. I bought some baby wipes at the store yesterday that said "not for oral consumption" . Seriously. Who the fvck eats baby wipes? Stupids.
Let's talk about what Stupids are attracted to.
Fear! Emergencies! Warnings! Panic!
Stupids pay attention to these things because deep down, Stupids know they are already living on borrowed time and need all the help they can get.
Stupids watch news casts that riddle them with fear. Stupids LOVE to be afraid. It's their 2nd most natural state to be in. How do we pray upon stupids? Simple. We blast news casts that keep the Stupid afraid and keep them watching. And we REALLY crank it up to TEN when our news channel is dying in the ratings and we seriously need to keep the Stupids at home, not at work, so they can keep feeding the fear part of their brain by watching out news channel.
The Smarts know that diseases can spread with contact. We tell everyone to "be smart. Wash your hands. Stand away from people. Cover your mouth if you cough or sneeze. If you're sick or starting to feel sick, stay home. But that doesn't sell to the Stupids. We then convince the Stupids that wearing a cloth mask will keep them from dying. Smarts know that masks really only help a tiny bit with SPREADING a disease, not preventing you from contracting it. But Stupids don't get it. Stupids hoard things that won't keep you from getting sick. Like, toilet paper. All the smarts see the Stupids acting stupid and then the Smarts are forced to do something stupid like, buy some extra toilet paper, for fear of the Stupids buying it all and then having to use leaves to wipe their asses because of the Stupids hoarding habits.
When the Stupid get home, the Stupids are convinced by the fear mongering news they are watching that it's OK to go to the WalMart and the HEB and planned Parenthood, it appears those areas are free of disease for now-- but you can't go to your job and work because, well, your job is saturated with murder bugs and your Stupid ass will die and won't be able to watch our fear mongering news channel anymore.
Airliners are now punishing us because of the stupids. Do the math for me smart people. A 737 has two rows with three chairs each. We are supposed to stay 6 feet away from each other. The airlines are now saying they will keep the middle seat empty for "social distancing" (never mind you're not 6 feet away from any other passenger) but flight prices will increase by 50 to 75%.
Hold up-- an airplane drops 1 out of every 3 seats (that's 33% right?) But prices will go up by 50 to 75%? This has Stupids written all over it.
Thank you Stupids. You've now officially ruined air travel.
How about Los Angeles. They just announced they would leave the stay at home order in place for 3 more months. Honestly I'm all for it. No more sh!tty Hollywood movies, but those clowns will survive. Who won't survive are the people that run the taco stands. Or sell fruit on the street corners. Or run the local gas station. Or clean rich people's houses. Certain people say they care about poor people in this country when it's time to get their vote, but instead of letting them work, let's treat them like Stupid people and give them free money to survive while we keep everything shut down for, you know, the protection of the stupid people. Cui Bono? <---- that's Latin for "who benefits from this stupid sh!t?".
It's not the Stupid people who benefit. It's the Stupid people who vote for those that give them free stuff to continue to stay at home, living in fear, not working, but end up keeping their enablers in office. All because we as a nation aren't believed to be smart enough to stop touching people, wash our hands, and practice basic hygiene.
Thanks Stupid people. You're finally on the verge of ruining a planet.