Yeah, this is a dear diary so close it out if you aren't interested. Also, sorry for posting this and bringing folks down on an exciting game day. It just feels good to tell folks.
TLDR Version
Had a lump cut out from my inner thigh right before Christmas and turns out it's melanoma. Metastasized so it's stage 3 or 4(still unknown). No idea where the primary is and my first oncologist appt is Monday. I'm doing well mentally and planning to kick its ass.
Longer version
So I had lump in the inside of my thigh I noticed back in June. Totally subcutaneous with nothing abnormal on the skin surface, not even a mole or freckle. Didn't think any of it but it got a bit bigger so I got an ultrasound and MRI. Doctors thought it was just some venous malformation so we decided to take it out. Also noted that a lymph node in my groin on the same side was swollen and we were going to take that out too. But in the month before the surgery, the lymph node went back down to near normal so we decided not to take that out.
Found out this past Tuesday the 7th when my labs came back that it's metastasized melanoma and needless to say it's pretty wild and completely unexpected event from the surgeon, pathology folks and the oncologist my general surgeon consulted. I just had a full skin check done this morning at the dermatologist to see if they can find the primary. They found nothing out of the ordinary. They even spread my butt cheeks and looked at the skin in there. Glad I showered before hand.
First couple days were rough. Still scared but honestly, I'm pretty positive right now. I'm young at 47 and in better shape than most people half my age. Of course I'm the standard OB height, weight, bench press, 40 time, and forearm circumference. Sark called me last week to see if I wanted to step in at QB tomorrow but with the weather I just couldn't make it. Sorry boys, I would've lit it up VY style.
Jokes aside I am actually in really good shape as I play ice hockey 3-4 days a week and mountain bike 2-3 days a week and have been active like that my entire life. So that's definitely a leg up for me to kick this shit. I also have an amazing support network with my wife, sister, dad, step mom, and step dad all nearby in Austin and San Antonio. That doesn't even include my best friends who I've been playing on the same hockey team with for nearly 25 years. And of course I know I have you idiots even though I'm sure I've pissed off most of you at some point or other over the past 24 years on OB.
The feelings are weird. Scared, positive, curious, excited, etc. The excited feeling is super weird and I spoke with my wife at length about that one; I don't know what to make of it. The two I expected but I haven't felt are anger and despair which I find a bit odd as I expected those to come up rather soon. But it's still early, I'm still processing and I'm sure I'll have my down moments through this process.
While I am spiritual, believe in a higher power, and do pray on occasion for other folks' situations, I quit organized religion a very long time ago. I was raised in a devout Lutheran family and did all the things from baptism, church every Sunday, Sunday school, vacation Bible school, confirmation, etc. It just wasn't for me and I found my own path to spirituality and I'm a firm believer that there are multiple ways to find your God, gods, savior, spirituality, etc. All the the goals are basically the same, we just take different routes. There is just too much out there in my opinion for there to be one single set path. I know others disagree and that's cool, I respect other religions and support others and their beliefs even if they aren't the path for me. But I'm not turning this into a religion shit show post. I would appreciate your prayers/thoughts/karma/whatever whether you are Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Sikvh, or whatever. It's the energy and mindset I believe in. Hell if you want to sacrifice a chicken in my honor, do it. Just make sure you eat it and it doesn't go to waste.
I'm seeing Richard Fleming and Alex Haynes at UT Austin Health as they specialize in surgical oncology and melanoma/sarcoma in particular. Gotta support my fellow Horns with my insurance footing the bill! I have a dermatologist appt for a full body scan in about an hour to see if they can find anything on my skin that might be the primary. Lots of tests and imaging in my near future. My general surgeon was a bit flustered at my followup yesterday since the tumor removed from my inner thigh is metastasized according to pathology yet I have zero symptoms. Obviously he's not an oncologist but he said the oncologist he consulted was a bit at a loss as well.
The thing that worries me the most is telling the kids and my older grandson(he's 9) who is a huge part of my life as we raised him from 0 to 3 years old when his mom was a bit of a mess and we are still highly involved with him. I've coached his youth hockey team the past 5 years. That's gonna be a tough talk. I'm waiting for the first oncology appt so we have a plan before telling the kids and grandkids.
Anyway, I'm in a good place and planning to kick the hell out of this shit. Obviously still making plans in the event of worst case but my goals are for that to not happen.
So, thanks for reading. I love you guys and gals even though most of you are a pain in the ass. I'm expecting many grammar correction and TLDR responses from you knuckleheads in this post. I'll keep you updated throughout my process whether you like it or not! Don't hesitate to like this post! I know I've felt odd in the past "liking" posts like this because you don't actually like the content but more the person. So you have my permission to use the like button!
PS If there are any oncologists on the board who are curious, let me know and I'll send the pathology report.
TLDR Version
Had a lump cut out from my inner thigh right before Christmas and turns out it's melanoma. Metastasized so it's stage 3 or 4(still unknown). No idea where the primary is and my first oncologist appt is Monday. I'm doing well mentally and planning to kick its ass.
Longer version
So I had lump in the inside of my thigh I noticed back in June. Totally subcutaneous with nothing abnormal on the skin surface, not even a mole or freckle. Didn't think any of it but it got a bit bigger so I got an ultrasound and MRI. Doctors thought it was just some venous malformation so we decided to take it out. Also noted that a lymph node in my groin on the same side was swollen and we were going to take that out too. But in the month before the surgery, the lymph node went back down to near normal so we decided not to take that out.
Found out this past Tuesday the 7th when my labs came back that it's metastasized melanoma and needless to say it's pretty wild and completely unexpected event from the surgeon, pathology folks and the oncologist my general surgeon consulted. I just had a full skin check done this morning at the dermatologist to see if they can find the primary. They found nothing out of the ordinary. They even spread my butt cheeks and looked at the skin in there. Glad I showered before hand.
First couple days were rough. Still scared but honestly, I'm pretty positive right now. I'm young at 47 and in better shape than most people half my age. Of course I'm the standard OB height, weight, bench press, 40 time, and forearm circumference. Sark called me last week to see if I wanted to step in at QB tomorrow but with the weather I just couldn't make it. Sorry boys, I would've lit it up VY style.
Jokes aside I am actually in really good shape as I play ice hockey 3-4 days a week and mountain bike 2-3 days a week and have been active like that my entire life. So that's definitely a leg up for me to kick this shit. I also have an amazing support network with my wife, sister, dad, step mom, and step dad all nearby in Austin and San Antonio. That doesn't even include my best friends who I've been playing on the same hockey team with for nearly 25 years. And of course I know I have you idiots even though I'm sure I've pissed off most of you at some point or other over the past 24 years on OB.
The feelings are weird. Scared, positive, curious, excited, etc. The excited feeling is super weird and I spoke with my wife at length about that one; I don't know what to make of it. The two I expected but I haven't felt are anger and despair which I find a bit odd as I expected those to come up rather soon. But it's still early, I'm still processing and I'm sure I'll have my down moments through this process.
While I am spiritual, believe in a higher power, and do pray on occasion for other folks' situations, I quit organized religion a very long time ago. I was raised in a devout Lutheran family and did all the things from baptism, church every Sunday, Sunday school, vacation Bible school, confirmation, etc. It just wasn't for me and I found my own path to spirituality and I'm a firm believer that there are multiple ways to find your God, gods, savior, spirituality, etc. All the the goals are basically the same, we just take different routes. There is just too much out there in my opinion for there to be one single set path. I know others disagree and that's cool, I respect other religions and support others and their beliefs even if they aren't the path for me. But I'm not turning this into a religion shit show post. I would appreciate your prayers/thoughts/karma/whatever whether you are Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Sikvh, or whatever. It's the energy and mindset I believe in. Hell if you want to sacrifice a chicken in my honor, do it. Just make sure you eat it and it doesn't go to waste.
I'm seeing Richard Fleming and Alex Haynes at UT Austin Health as they specialize in surgical oncology and melanoma/sarcoma in particular. Gotta support my fellow Horns with my insurance footing the bill! I have a dermatologist appt for a full body scan in about an hour to see if they can find anything on my skin that might be the primary. Lots of tests and imaging in my near future. My general surgeon was a bit flustered at my followup yesterday since the tumor removed from my inner thigh is metastasized according to pathology yet I have zero symptoms. Obviously he's not an oncologist but he said the oncologist he consulted was a bit at a loss as well.
The thing that worries me the most is telling the kids and my older grandson(he's 9) who is a huge part of my life as we raised him from 0 to 3 years old when his mom was a bit of a mess and we are still highly involved with him. I've coached his youth hockey team the past 5 years. That's gonna be a tough talk. I'm waiting for the first oncology appt so we have a plan before telling the kids and grandkids.
Anyway, I'm in a good place and planning to kick the hell out of this shit. Obviously still making plans in the event of worst case but my goals are for that to not happen.
So, thanks for reading. I love you guys and gals even though most of you are a pain in the ass. I'm expecting many grammar correction and TLDR responses from you knuckleheads in this post. I'll keep you updated throughout my process whether you like it or not! Don't hesitate to like this post! I know I've felt odd in the past "liking" posts like this because you don't actually like the content but more the person. So you have my permission to use the like button!
PS If there are any oncologists on the board who are curious, let me know and I'll send the pathology report.
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