Can someone tell me the ins and outs?
Met this Nice Sexy Real Estate Lady!
So over the past few weeks I've been quietly exploring the boundaries of Real estate mommy's sexual proclivities and she definitely has the tshirt-- I won't go into detail but I cracked wise one night after being asked if I wanted to "watch a movie" and then I semi-seriously quipped about renting a porn and she jumped all over it--- ya, she's let her freak flag fly and I'm down with that.
But we go and do dinner tonight in Gruene. Now I must preamble this with a short statement--- I've been keeping this super down low-- lots of people in this town know the both of us (more than I thought) and I did that intentionally for several reasons-- but I've noticed that when we do hang out, she's started the evening off with drinks prior to our activities. No big deal right?
Wrong--- she's got no off switch. Once she starts pounding booze she can't stop. She doesn't get loud or obnoxious or violent- she just starts telling the same stupid fvcking stories over and over and over and over and over again....... Annoying, right?
I've got this thing about girls that I want to shag and booze--- have some wine, have a beer, have a cocktail, but don't get drunk and damn sure don't get sloppy.
She's a sloppy.
Legit functioning alcoholic.
FB ain't got time for that. It's not attractive, it's not sexy, it's not cool. And to top it off, she's a freaking light weight. We split two bottle of red wine tonight (she ordered them) and she was sauced.
So I offer to drive her home and she can come get her vehicle tomorrow. She insists she is fine. I insist she isn't and that it's no problem driving her home. She gets snippy and pulls the "I'm a grown ass independent woman" card and that's when I tip my hat and wish her good luck---
Off I go to my vehicle to make the very short trip to my house (two blocks) and just as I'm about to turn onto my street the phone rings---
It's her and she's telling me that she may have gotten her SUV stuck---- so I flip a U and head back up to the Gruene door to see what the problem is.
As I pull up I can see her tail lights at the end of the parking lot facing Gruene road. Now the parking lot is concrete and because of the slope of the land it's situated on, the very flat and level parking lot is not entirely flush with the ground at all points. In fact, there are parts of the parking lot that at their edge, are two or three foot higher than the ground they are built on---- think of a concrete shelf--- the grass below.
Well, senorita sloppy was so drunk she thought she was driving onto Gruene road and instead, hopped the little parking block and then driven her front tires off the edge of the concrete parking lot and high centered her Tahoe. Ya---- in gruene--- in a parking lot--- she literally drove over a parking stop and off a small cliff and high centered a freaking 60,000 dollar luxury suv---- because she was drunk and stupid.
Oh just wait------ it gets better---
So I pull up and walk to the vehicle and she isn't in it---- oh no, she's not standing over to the side waiting on me--- she's squatting in the corner between to buildings with her skirt pulled up taking a whiz on the ground................. Right there.......... On the ground.........
And then she looks up at me, drunk, and says "No! No! Don't look at me!". As if I haven't already seen the entire blueprint of her nether regions---- NOW she gets shy.
Knowing if the cops show up she is certainly going to jail, I throw her in my SUV (she's still telling me she can drive and we should get her truck unstuck) and I drive her to her house, literally under duress.
I shuffle a sailor mouthed mommy into her house and tell her to call a tow truck tomorrow morning and have them tow it to her house. She drunkenly gets sarcastic as I leave and shut the door.
Fast forward five minutes and the world has gone back to rainbows, unicorn farts and anal sex. I get a text message from her saying that I'm sooooooo sweet for keeping her safe and out of trouble that she wants me to come back to her house and push her guts in for a while. She even highlighted the text with "and I'm XTRA naughty".
FB is the fvck out.
Met this Nice Sexy Real Estate Lady!
So over the past few weeks I've been quietly exploring the boundaries of Real estate mommy's sexual proclivities and she definitely has the tshirt-- I won't go into detail but I cracked wise one night after being asked if I wanted to "watch a movie" and then I semi-seriously quipped about renting a porn and she jumped all over it--- ya, she's let her freak flag fly and I'm down with that.
But we go and do dinner tonight in Gruene. Now I must preamble this with a short statement--- I've been keeping this super down low-- lots of people in this town know the both of us (more than I thought) and I did that intentionally for several reasons-- but I've noticed that when we do hang out, she's started the evening off with drinks prior to our activities. No big deal right?
Wrong--- she's got no off switch. Once she starts pounding booze she can't stop. She doesn't get loud or obnoxious or violent- she just starts telling the same stupid fvcking stories over and over and over and over and over again....... Annoying, right?
I've got this thing about girls that I want to shag and booze--- have some wine, have a beer, have a cocktail, but don't get drunk and damn sure don't get sloppy.
She's a sloppy.
Legit functioning alcoholic.
FB ain't got time for that. It's not attractive, it's not sexy, it's not cool. And to top it off, she's a freaking light weight. We split two bottle of red wine tonight (she ordered them) and she was sauced.
So I offer to drive her home and she can come get her vehicle tomorrow. She insists she is fine. I insist she isn't and that it's no problem driving her home. She gets snippy and pulls the "I'm a grown ass independent woman" card and that's when I tip my hat and wish her good luck---
Off I go to my vehicle to make the very short trip to my house (two blocks) and just as I'm about to turn onto my street the phone rings---
It's her and she's telling me that she may have gotten her SUV stuck---- so I flip a U and head back up to the Gruene door to see what the problem is.
As I pull up I can see her tail lights at the end of the parking lot facing Gruene road. Now the parking lot is concrete and because of the slope of the land it's situated on, the very flat and level parking lot is not entirely flush with the ground at all points. In fact, there are parts of the parking lot that at their edge, are two or three foot higher than the ground they are built on---- think of a concrete shelf--- the grass below.
Well, senorita sloppy was so drunk she thought she was driving onto Gruene road and instead, hopped the little parking block and then driven her front tires off the edge of the concrete parking lot and high centered her Tahoe. Ya---- in gruene--- in a parking lot--- she literally drove over a parking stop and off a small cliff and high centered a freaking 60,000 dollar luxury suv---- because she was drunk and stupid.
Oh just wait------ it gets better---
So I pull up and walk to the vehicle and she isn't in it---- oh no, she's not standing over to the side waiting on me--- she's squatting in the corner between to buildings with her skirt pulled up taking a whiz on the ground................. Right there.......... On the ground.........
And then she looks up at me, drunk, and says "No! No! Don't look at me!". As if I haven't already seen the entire blueprint of her nether regions---- NOW she gets shy.
Knowing if the cops show up she is certainly going to jail, I throw her in my SUV (she's still telling me she can drive and we should get her truck unstuck) and I drive her to her house, literally under duress.
I shuffle a sailor mouthed mommy into her house and tell her to call a tow truck tomorrow morning and have them tow it to her house. She drunkenly gets sarcastic as I leave and shut the door.
Fast forward five minutes and the world has gone back to rainbows, unicorn farts and anal sex. I get a text message from her saying that I'm sooooooo sweet for keeping her safe and out of trouble that she wants me to come back to her house and push her guts in for a while. She even highlighted the text with "and I'm XTRA naughty".
FB is the fvck out.
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