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Waaaaay OT: my cousin and her "child"

clob94

clob94

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Aug 25, 2014
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So............. I come from a rather large family on my mother's side. 6 brothers and sisters, 25 odd cousins.... all cousins married except me.... all cousins have at least two kids.... you get the picture.

Now, my family has a propensity for throwing boys, but we do have a sprinkling of girls (3) that make up our very male dominated clan.

One female cousin, we'll call her Tammie, has a daughter 14 and a son 12. She and her husband are both well educated (stanford and berkley) and their oldest daughter (we'll call her Beth) has decided that she wants to join the boy side of the fam.......

She's a sweet kid.... very precocious, very intellegent, but she's just decided that she's................ a boy. She has chosen a new name that she wants to be called (brett) and she wants to start "hormone" therapy asap.


Enter my mom. My mother is a west texas lady in every sense of the word--- she's big on family and sends every damn one of them xmas gifts. She's perplexed as to how she is supposed to sign the gift card (Beth vs brett) because at 73, mom just ain't jiving with the whole "I'm a boy trapped in a girls body" thing. Mom's old school.

I've tried explaining to her in gentle terms that some people are just different and it takes "all shapes and sizes" to make the world go round. I've also tried the "maybe this is just a faze thing". I reminded her about how my little brother identified as a pony from age 6 to age 7. (he'd walk around the house on all fours and nay like a horse. It was fvcking maddening until the day I hobbled his a$$ like a real horse with pig string and he cut that sh!t out)
I also proposed to her that this faze in her life would change after she got to college and she met some cute dude and went gaga over him. (mind you, I'm trying to mollify my 73 year old mom)

Now with all this being said, I could literally give two sh!ts about what you identify with sexually as long as you're not harming me. Do what you want. Also, mind you, I LOVE chicks that LOVE chicks............ obviously age appropriate and not my blood relatives..... that's just weird..... however, as a guy, I just can't put myself in the mindset of one day waking up and going "ehhhhh, I think it's time for me to be a woman."

I don't understand it, but I don't really care enough to understand it. I don't judge it.... who the fvck am I to judge? My natural response was "cool. You do you, kid." However, mom is struggling with it and I'm not sure how to get her to see that it's not that big of a deal.

Any ideas from the peanut brigade?
 
Perhaps suggest your niece see a professional counselor? May he or she can help her understand what is going on within her. I firmly believe that you're who you're born as, a male is a male and will always be a male, and a female vice versa.
 
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I will say this: one of my daughters is 10 and one of her best girlfriend’s has a 15 year old sister who has decided to become a boy and started the whole hormone therapy conversion etc. For me it is a very odd and touchy subject that we try to avoid at all costs but since the 2 are friends we have had to address it. Trust me, my daughters friend is extremely confused seeing her sister starting to transfer to her brother. The parents now require everyone to refer her as “him” etc. it’s just an uncomfortable situation if you are not in total agreement with that.

I will be honest, as a dad, I would not be agreeable to having my daughter make any kind of a conversion like that under my watch. When they are on their own, they can do as they please but watching this other family deal with that deal is interesting.

The girl that I know that is doing the hormone therapy was a introvert before she started her transition and is even worse now, she has no friends she hangs with, homeschools now and never leaves her house. I think parents have an obligation to protect their kids thru their adolescent years and some of the life changing decisions are too complex for kids to be making on their own imo.
 
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I gues unless you are that person going through those feelings its hard to really understand, but that’s the same way with a lot of things. I mean look at gambling or alcohol addiction. Those are things we all do for fun when we want but it doesn’t run our lives in most cases. Some folks sr3 just wired differently and can’t do those things in moderation. Unless your in that situation you don’t really understand. I view this in a similar way. Unless you are having those feelings it’s hard to understand because the rest of us are wired “right”

As far as your mom you know it’s a generational thing. Older people haven’t understood whst young people are doing for generations. The issues may be different these days but that hasn’t changed. I think everyone has to kind of figure out what to do with it in their own way. Including your mother. Some, like yourself won’t take long at all because they don’t care, but others will take longer.... some a lot longer.
 
LonghornMM said:
Perhaps suggest your niece see a professional counselor? May he or she can help her understand what is going on within her. I firmly believe that you're who you're born as, a male is a male and will always be a male, and a female vice versa.
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I can understand why people feel that way... I tend to disagree, and here is why. Kids are born with all kinds of birth defects. Missing limbs, extra limbs, born blind or deaf or with other disabilities. In some cases you can actually be born with both male and female... parts. So knowing all that all that do I think it’s possible that for a few people(a very small %) somewhere along the development process could be split on their sex?(mentally one thing, physically another) sure I do. It may not be something we understand yet but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. We already know the development process is far from perfect sometimes.
 
@clob94 I wouldn't try to convince someone that's not willing to be convinced. She's 70+ years of age and that's hard to tell someone that is set in their ways.

All I can say as a parent that has one kid (daughter) I'm glad life was "normal" as it could be. Pain in the ass teenage years, boys, school, friends etc.. but having a child that feels like their the opposite sex has to be a difficult thing to go thru. Being a parent is already hard as it is!
 
Man, that's a touchy subject. One one hand, I completly agree that what you do is up to you. On the other, if I did or got half the crap I wanted while growing up....no telling if I'd be here today. Likely not.
Live how you want to live but personally I'd hold off any hormone manipulation while a child is still developing. Let her decide when she's an adult. As for granny, some things are better off kept amongst the siblings.
 
So everyone is ok with a 14 girl taking male hormones? That is crazy, maybe even child abuse. If she changes her mind, she might have already screwed herself up.
Her parents are beyond nuts if they let her do anything medical. Call her Bert, teach her to pretend scratch her balls, and hope she grows out of it.
When you said Berkley & Stanford parents, I was expecting something along these lines. If it was my kid, I would have her in therapy as long as I was paying her bills.
Grandma should call her, him and play along. She should also beg the parents to have the good sense not do anything medical. By the time the girl can afford to actually pay for her own meds, she might decide she is just gay. Or maybe she is just looking for attention, who knows.
I find it weird that the parents would tell grandma is the first place. I would go to my grave before I told my dad that about my kids. Why put him thru the pain.
 
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It's great auntie but yes, her grandmother knows as well.
 
This has become quite fashionable recently. Unfortunately for liberals who still think we are "blank slates" to be trained by the state, there are only 2 sexes and they are biological. Clinical evidence is that this sort of gender meddling makes for the most miserable people of all. I fear her parents are listening to the wrong station.
 
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weevilcatch said:
"They" recommend meds to be taken while "they" can make money before the adolescents grow out of their confusion and then "they" don't make money.
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Good point. I forgot to mention that I actually know 2 girls whose parents are allowing the transition. Both are doing the hormone replacement now. One is 15 the other is 17. Both of their parents have gone overboard convincing everyone that the Lord made a “mistake” so they’re “fixing” it. I’m curious too if the lasting effects of the hormone replacement if either of these girls decide to change their mind before having surgery etc. these girls now grow facial hair and voice has changed.
 
You guys know people with money! Because I can tell you this my mom would've told my sister we're broke you'll have to decide to turn into a boy/man when you get your own job and pay for the procedure. These procedures can't be cheap.
 
TX1972 said:
This has become quite fashionable recently. Unfortunately for liberals who still think we are "blank slates" to be trained by the state, there are only 2 sexes and they are biological. Clinical evidence is that this sort of gender meddling makes for the most miserable people of all. I fear her parents are listening to the wrong station.
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I read somewhere that transistioning people have an extreemly high suicide rate and the few that actually go through the chop shop are around 1 in 4 to commit suicide. Wether they go through with it or not, they need to be involved with a therapist at least to help them try to make sense of it all. Scary stuff.
 
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GuaranteedFresh! said:
I read somewhere that transistioning people have an extreemly high suicide rate and the few that actually go through the chop shop are around 1 in 4 to commit suicide. Wether they go through with it or not, they need to be involved with a therapist at least to help them try to make sense of it all. Scary stuff.
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Both of these girls have depression issues and both seem just as depressed and withdrawn now than before they started making the transition.
 
LongfellowDrew said:
You guys know people with money! Because I can tell you this my mom would've told my sister we're broke you'll have to decide to turn into a boy/man when you get your own job and pay for the procedure. These procedures can't be cheap.
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Both of these girls parents I know aren’t really well off, both parents work. Is that something they’re paying out of pocket or is insurance somehow involved by labeling it as a needed therapy or something.
 
This is a whole different deal, but I actually have a woman friend whose ex husband recently did a full transition to a woman. This person is a cop in Austin and you can google his story. They have a son in his early 20’s and seeing his dad transition to a woman has wrecked his life. The woman told me that when they were married she had no idea there were issues until one day she came home and she caught him dabbling in her makeup.

EDIT: Apparently there is not a google story on this individual but I can assure you I’ve seen the transition with my own eyes and what it’s done to his family. This individual is an Austin PD and has been for quite a few years.
 
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One suggestion is for your mom to fill out 2 cards. One for Brett and one for Beth.
Having done that, if she is OK with only sending Brett's, you are done.
Else, she can send both. With a small note that she is still working on accepting that Beth is no more.
 
Belldozer1 said:
This is a whole different deal, but I actually have a woman friend whose ex husband recently did a full transition to a woman. This person is a cop in Austin and you can google his story. They have a son in his early 20’s and seeing his dad transition to a woman has wrecked his life. The woman told me that when they were married she had no idea there were issues until one day she came home and she caught him dabbling in her makeup.

EDIT: Apparently there is not a google story on this individual but I can assure you I’ve seen the transition with my own eyes and what it’s done to his family. This individual is an Austin PD and has been for quite a few years.
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Good grief Bell. Do you know anyone who isn't a tranny? 3 seems like a lot for one person.
 
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mm42 said:
Good grief Bell. Do you know anyone who isn't a tranny? 3 seems like a lot for one person.
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That’s what I’ve been thinking. I have come to the conclusion that it’s a heck of a lot more widespread than people realize. The 2 teenage girls I know that are going through it have had their mom’s on social media announcing it, if it wasn’t for that I may not have known it was going on yet.
 
Belldozer1 said:
That’s what I’ve been thinking. I have come to the conclusion that it’s a heck of a lot more widespread than people realize. The 2 teenage girls I know that are going through it have had their mom’s on social media announcing it, if it wasn’t for that I may not have known it was going on yet.
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I can't believe parents announce it on social media as if their child got into medical school, was valedictorian or some other great accomplishment. If my wife posted that and was all happy about it with my young teenager, I'd have an ex-wife shortly after.

These moms are the one's fixing God's mistakes, right? Sounds like they need family counselling to me.
 
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Honestly, I've watched family and friends raise their kids over the last 3 decades and I've been careful to pay attention to what I see...... learning from their good and bad moves.... with the thoughts that one days I'd raise my own kids using the "good" stuff I've learned from other parents.

I've come to the conclusion that most parents aren't parents to their kids.......... they want to be their child's best friend. They see their child as an extension of themselves. Example: "If my kid hits a home run, I made that possible."
However, if my kid goes to the principles office, it must be the teachers fault because my child would never act that way.

No............ your kid fvcked up, like all kids do at some point, and now your child is in need of discipline. But by some weird transference, by punishing their child, they feel as though they are punishing themselves and they fear losing that place as their child's "friend".

I'm torn because when I was a kid, my folks made it very clear: when you turn 18 and you're out on your own, then we can be friends. Until then, I'm not your friend, I'm your parent.
I thought my parents were two of the biggest a-holes on the planet until I finished school, got a job, started paying taxes and realized, hey, my folks are actually pretty cool.

I just don't know if it works that way anymore.
 
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clob94 said:
Honestly, I've watched family and friends raise their kids over the last 3 decades and I've been careful to pay attention to what I see...... learning from their good and bad moves.... with the thoughts that one days I'd raise my own kids using the "good" stuff I've learned from other parents.

I've come to the conclusion that most parents aren't parents to their kids.......... they want to be their child's best friend. They see their child as an extension of themselves. Example: "If my kid hits a home run, I made that possible."
However, if my kid goes to the principles office, it must be the teachers fault because my child would never act that way.

No............ your kid fvcked up, like all kids do at some point, and now your child is in need of discipline. But by some weird transference, by punishing their child, they feel as though they are punishing themselves and they fear losing that place as their child's "friend".

I'm torn because when I was a kid, my folks made it very clear: when you turn 18 and you're out on your own, then we can be friends. Until then, I'm not your friend, I'm your parent.
I thought my parents were two of the biggest a-holes on the planet until I finished school, got a job, started paying taxes and realized, hey, my folks are actually pretty cool.

I just don't know if it works that way anymore.
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It still works that way, but I feel like you do...it is few and far between.
 
clob94 said:
Honestly, I've watched family and friends raise their kids over the last 3 decades and I've been careful to pay attention to what I see...... learning from their good and bad moves.... with the thoughts that one days I'd raise my own kids using the "good" stuff I've learned from other parents.

I've come to the conclusion that most parents aren't parents to their kids.......... they want to be their child's best friend. They see their child as an extension of themselves. Example: "If my kid hits a home run, I made that possible."
However, if my kid goes to the principles office, it must be the teachers fault because my child would never act that way.

No............ your kid fvcked up, like all kids do at some point, and now your child is in need of discipline. But by some weird transference, by punishing their child, they feel as though they are punishing themselves and they fear losing that place as their child's "friend".

I'm torn because when I was a kid, my folks made it very clear: when you turn 18 and you're out on your own, then we can be friends. Until then, I'm not your friend, I'm your parent.
I thought my parents were two of the biggest a-holes on the planet until I finished school, got a job, started paying taxes and realized, hey, my folks are actually pretty cool.

I just don't know if it works that way anymore.
Click to expand...


The Bible is the best rule book for raising children. Discipline is included in the book of Proverbs. Problem is that not many read it anymore.
 
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clob94 said:
Honestly, I've watched family and friends raise their kids over the last 3 decades and I've been careful to pay attention to what I see...... learning from their good and bad moves.... with the thoughts that one days I'd raise my own kids using the "good" stuff I've learned from other parents.

I've come to the conclusion that most parents aren't parents to their kids.......... they want to be their child's best friend. They see their child as an extension of themselves. Example: "If my kid hits a home run, I made that possible."
However, if my kid goes to the principles office, it must be the teachers fault because my child would never act that way.

No............ your kid fvcked up, like all kids do at some point, and now your child is in need of discipline. But by some weird transference, by punishing their child, they feel as though they are punishing themselves and they fear losing that place as their child's "friend".

I'm torn because when I was a kid, my folks made it very clear: when you turn 18 and you're out on your own, then we can be friends. Until then, I'm not your friend, I'm your parent.
I thought my parents were two of the biggest a-holes on the planet until I finished school, got a job, started paying taxes and realized, hey, my folks are actually pretty cool.

I just don't know if it works that way anymore.
Click to expand...
Thought I always wanted to be a Coach. Glad it didn’t turn out that way now because all the crazy parents think their kids do no wrong and are the best athlete there ever was. Don’t know how coaches do it nowadays.
 
mm42 said:
I can't believe parents announce it on social media as if their child got into medical school, was valedictorian or some other great accomplishment. If my wife posted that and was all happy about it with my young teenager, I'd have an ex-wife shortly after.

These moms are the one's fixing God's mistakes, right? Sounds like they need family counselling to me.
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It’s pretty much the mom’s telling everyone within earshot how normal it is what their kids are doing and how proud they are of their decisions. In reality, they come across as trying to convince themselves that they’re being good parents and trying to get others to agree with them. I do know that both families have been split down the middle with parents, grandparents taking sides etc. a real mess. To deal with
 
Belldozer1 said:
It’s pretty much the mom’s telling everyone within earshot how normal it is what their kids are doing and how proud they are of their decisions. In reality, they come across as trying to convince themselves that they’re being good parents and trying to get others to agree with them. I do know that both families have been split down the middle with parents, grandparents taking sides etc. a real mess. To deal with
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Are the dad's in the picture? We are the biggest problem in this country. Too many dad's not taking care of their responsibilities and doing whatever they can to keep the wife off their ass. I am bad about rolling over to make the wife happy myself, but never on the big stuff. She makes 90% of the family decisions, but when I care she falls in line. We have too many boys raising kids these days, regardless of age. Step up fellows, myself included.
 
mm42 said:
Are the dad's in the picture? We are the biggest problem in this country. Too many dad's not taking care of their responsibilities and doing whatever they can to keep the wife off their ass. I am bad about rolling over to make the wife happy myself, but never on the big stuff. She makes 90% of the family decisions, but when I care she falls in line. We have too many boys raising kids these days, regardless of age. Step up fellows, myself included.
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Both dads are very involved, one is stepdad but has been taking care of her for 10 years. Bizarre. Maybe I’m selfish but I’m not giving up my daughters any sooner than I have to. Daddy’s little boy just doesn’t have the same ring to it for me LOL
 
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