I tell you if they stick any more shit up my ass, I gonna start my own House of Ill Repute, I do seriously recommend you guys to have one at some point in your life as it can save your life and that's no lie!
OT: Colonoscopy Time
- Thread starter FlourBluffHorn
- Start date
I feel for you man. One of the many not fun things that comes with getting old, but it can save your life.
Don't drink the prep faster than advised, or you will actually shit your brains out.
Don't drink the prep faster than advised, or you will actually shit your brains out.
I had a colonoscopy about three years ago and they found three non-cancerous polyps, which were removed. Told me to have one every three years, which I will be having one later this year. The worst part about the deal is the prep. Its ugly, lol.
Ok...I'm long overdue for my 1st colon surprise event, but promised my new doc that I'll get one. My biggest fears are having an accident on the way to the test (25 mile drive) and having one on the way back. Any ideas/experiences on that?! Living single, it's tough to ask someone for the ride-that's my other deal....
Cheap hotel/motel close by and/or Depends. Not that I know anything about this.
You can shit in your pants accident om the way home and if your by yourself , you can handle it, but if someones with ya its gets a little uncomfortable..just Fing with ya! you will be OK , they won't let ya leave till ya ready, so stop worrying, worst that can happen is a wet fart, I had a little stomach pressure and you may shit like a Pet Coon after in the room you go to but they have a potty by the bed but, that was it..Zantac got rid of it, I was farting to ACDC on the radio, the worst part is drinking that shit they give ya to clean ya out a couple of days before...Hang in there hill, you will do great!
They aren't gonna let you drive home. They knock you out, which is a good thing. You'll have the squirts 2 days later, so buy some extra underwear.
The only good part is when they tell you to lean over in recovery. Best 3 minute fart of your life.
Tell your Dr whats going on there and he may admit you over nite due to your circumstance which in your case maybe the best! The biggest bother is the gas and the anesthesia wearing off Hill...nothing else
Hang in there Bro! You gonna be OK!
Hang in there Bro! You gonna be OK!
The best part of the whole thing is the fartfest in the recovery room! I felt like the world was my stage.
Have had two colonoscopies-one sedated and one wide awake. Don't agree to a wide awake procedure. Believe me.
What!!!!! You let them stick a 2 foot hose up your butt wide awake? Jez , I bet you were WIDE awake. I can not believe that is legal. That seems border line medieval or 3rd world.
In all seriousness, how did you just roll over and let them do it? I would have run away like a little girl. You are a tough SOB.
Dafan, FBH, yall had me going for a second! Lol
Thanks for the sound advice.
Definitely, going the sedated route!
Thanks for the sound advice.
Definitely, going the sedated route!
Yes, allowing someone to give you the Michael Jackson sedation and stick things in your bunghole, what could go wrong? May want to reconsider the sedation part.
That is some crazy sooner logic. They aren't gonna rape a middle aged or older man just because he is passed out with his butt available. There are several people in the room and those doctors are seeing dozens of buttholes a day. They are thinking about the $3K they make in 15 minutes, not your dirty old butthole. Only a fool would stay awake because he is worried about what they are sticking up his butt, because what they are legitimately sticking up it is bad enough. Of course I don't live in okie, so you may have a legitimate concern. If that is the case, please accept my apologies.
If there's romantic music playing in the background, I will reconsider!
Most folks would read my post and consider it sarcasm but leave it to Aggie to take it literally. Besides, how on earth could you not be sedated for that? Epidural?
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Then again, I highly doubt Aggie is sedating sheep before administering their DIY “colonoscopy” on them. Do the sheep remember anything when it’s over?
Man @Belldozer1 as long as you aren't talking about dOUche football, you're a pretty decent dude, may even give you a temporary longhorn card haha
Ted Franks said said above he has had both sedated and not sedated colonoscopies. Which I found crazy, and hard to believe it was an option.
And yes, I thought you were serious. Missed the sarcasm, my bad.
The reason why the doctor wants me to do three year intervals is because he found non-cancerous polyps during my scope.
I want to tell my story sooooooo badly. But I must digress.
clob, why are you holding back, lol? Let 'er rip...
He is open about many other things besides this interesting, didn't think clob would hold back from something...
Stop baiting us clob! What he find up your ass? A chin strap or a Real Estate test manual or a Licensing test manual for Fumigating or a broken off Dildo?
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My aunt died of colon cancer in her mid 40s. She was the 3rd of 6 children and my mother was 4th-- and they were separated by about 18 months and looked identical. At 35, my doctor insisted I get one because they found polyps on my mother's colon at 40, and because of genetics-- etc etc.
So I drink all the liquid, crap everything out. Lemon flavored "juice".... bleh. My dad always had prostate problems so prior to this I went to see a urologist in Austin who is arguably the best urologist in Texas, does vasectomies etc-- but also great with prostates- his name is Dr. Richard Chopp. (Google him before you call BS on clob)
So Dick Chopp tells me that my prostate is perfect and I go in a couple days later for the colonoscopy with the proctologist. As I walk into the back, the physicians assistant comes around the corner and she is SMOKING HOT. I mean, stop you in your tracks smoking hot. I can tell that underneath her blue scrubs she's got fake boobs-- a bit too out of proportion with her body-- and being a former aficionado of adult dancing establishments, I can tell that this girl really DID put herself through college on the pole. At one point she bends over to pick up a piece of paper she dropped and I see that she has an electric purple butterfly tramp stamp on her lower back (for those of you 20 somethings or you old fvckers, in the 90s, the girls that liked to fvck had these sexy little tattoos on their lower back called 'tramp stamps').
So I've decided I'm getting this girl's number. We gonna swap body fluids.
So she starts telling me where she's from, where she went to school- how much she loves football- how she went to school in Tampa but always wanted to go to UT. She's my age.... so I throw out there that I liked her tat and and make an innuendo about how she put herself through school-- and at that point, she knows I know her secret--
Around this time, the eye fvcky fvcky is getting intense and in walks the Doc-- she immediately snaps back from flirt mode to nurse mode- being a professional. The Doc goes through the prep speech and leaves. She then offers me the pill to sedate me.
And then my ego kicked in. Fvcking ego. I declined. Why? Because I'm going to show this freaky little sex puppet that I'm a MAN! I'm a legit bad ass. Not only am I going to punch her in the kidneys with my man hammer all night long, I'm such a bad ass, rawhide, ripped steel mother fvcker, that I can have a garden hose shoved up my ass and nary bat an eyelash.
She looked at me like I'd fallen out of the stupid tree and landed right in the middle of Dumbass Blvd.
She raised her perfectly waxed eyebrows and said "You sure about this??" As if to give me a chance to chicken out....
And my fvcking ego just doubled down. "Nah sweetie, I'm hardcore. I can take anything-" alluding to the sexual innuendos that we had already been hurling at each other--
"Ooooooook..." she says.
Now I don't know if the rest of you have ever done something REALLY stupid to impress a girl, but I wouldn't recommend this. Ever.
Fast forward through the virtual road trip we took of my asshole, google mapping it all along the way-- and I'm lying there having to disguise the wiping of slowly forming tears in my eyes with nose rubs and faux temple rubs, and I'm in pure hell. But I power through because, ya know, I'm a MAN'S MAN. (Dumbass)
But I'm getting this chicks number, I'm taking her to some badass restaurant for drinks and dinner, we're going to go do shots off each others necks, dance until 1am and then go back to her place where I'm going to permanently rearrange her womb. I had the date already playing out in my head..... it was going to be epic.
And then I sat up on the table.......
Those of you that have had a colonoscopy know what happened next.
Those of you that haven't--- it will happen to you too. See, in order to get into your collapsed large intestine, that hose has a little nozzle next to the camera that shoots out little bursts of air. They blow air in, and move further up your ass. They look around, then blow more air and keep going deeper.
So when they extract the hose from your ass, there's quite a build up of air-- in your ass. Think of it as a balloon you'd make balloon animals out of.
So as I sat up on the bed, as I flexed my abs to help myself sit upright, the balloon air escaped my asshole in ear splitting fashion.
The look on my face must have been horrific because stripper nurse looks right at me with this empathy in her eyes and before the trumpet finished its solo, she blurts out "Ahhhh oooh it's ok it happens to everyone!". I could feel my face and ears were burning red. I must have looked terribly embarrassed because then she put her "ohhhhhh" pouty lip puppy dog face on as if to say "I know you're really embarrassed right now but mommy will make it all better.."--- but it was sooooo soul wrecking.
Dejected, I crawl off the table and the trumpet changed pitch to that of a tuba and I let fly with the second chorus. My knees buckled. I'd never been so embarrassed infront of a woman not named "Mom" in my life.
I get dressed and drag my ass out of there and my ego is so embarrassed that I'd given up the thought of waxing this girls ass. As I'm checking out, she walks up beside me and said "thanks for the show" and in pro fashion, slides a piece of paper in my pocket unnoticed by anyone but me.
It took me two weeks to overcome the shame before I called her.
I know TLDNR.
So I drink all the liquid, crap everything out. Lemon flavored "juice".... bleh. My dad always had prostate problems so prior to this I went to see a urologist in Austin who is arguably the best urologist in Texas, does vasectomies etc-- but also great with prostates- his name is Dr. Richard Chopp. (Google him before you call BS on clob)
So Dick Chopp tells me that my prostate is perfect and I go in a couple days later for the colonoscopy with the proctologist. As I walk into the back, the physicians assistant comes around the corner and she is SMOKING HOT. I mean, stop you in your tracks smoking hot. I can tell that underneath her blue scrubs she's got fake boobs-- a bit too out of proportion with her body-- and being a former aficionado of adult dancing establishments, I can tell that this girl really DID put herself through college on the pole. At one point she bends over to pick up a piece of paper she dropped and I see that she has an electric purple butterfly tramp stamp on her lower back (for those of you 20 somethings or you old fvckers, in the 90s, the girls that liked to fvck had these sexy little tattoos on their lower back called 'tramp stamps').
So I've decided I'm getting this girl's number. We gonna swap body fluids.
So she starts telling me where she's from, where she went to school- how much she loves football- how she went to school in Tampa but always wanted to go to UT. She's my age.... so I throw out there that I liked her tat and and make an innuendo about how she put herself through school-- and at that point, she knows I know her secret--
Around this time, the eye fvcky fvcky is getting intense and in walks the Doc-- she immediately snaps back from flirt mode to nurse mode- being a professional. The Doc goes through the prep speech and leaves. She then offers me the pill to sedate me.
And then my ego kicked in. Fvcking ego. I declined. Why? Because I'm going to show this freaky little sex puppet that I'm a MAN! I'm a legit bad ass. Not only am I going to punch her in the kidneys with my man hammer all night long, I'm such a bad ass, rawhide, ripped steel mother fvcker, that I can have a garden hose shoved up my ass and nary bat an eyelash.
She looked at me like I'd fallen out of the stupid tree and landed right in the middle of Dumbass Blvd.
She raised her perfectly waxed eyebrows and said "You sure about this??" As if to give me a chance to chicken out....
And my fvcking ego just doubled down. "Nah sweetie, I'm hardcore. I can take anything-" alluding to the sexual innuendos that we had already been hurling at each other--
"Ooooooook..." she says.
Now I don't know if the rest of you have ever done something REALLY stupid to impress a girl, but I wouldn't recommend this. Ever.
Fast forward through the virtual road trip we took of my asshole, google mapping it all along the way-- and I'm lying there having to disguise the wiping of slowly forming tears in my eyes with nose rubs and faux temple rubs, and I'm in pure hell. But I power through because, ya know, I'm a MAN'S MAN. (Dumbass)
But I'm getting this chicks number, I'm taking her to some badass restaurant for drinks and dinner, we're going to go do shots off each others necks, dance until 1am and then go back to her place where I'm going to permanently rearrange her womb. I had the date already playing out in my head..... it was going to be epic.
And then I sat up on the table.......
Those of you that have had a colonoscopy know what happened next.
Those of you that haven't--- it will happen to you too. See, in order to get into your collapsed large intestine, that hose has a little nozzle next to the camera that shoots out little bursts of air. They blow air in, and move further up your ass. They look around, then blow more air and keep going deeper.
So when they extract the hose from your ass, there's quite a build up of air-- in your ass. Think of it as a balloon you'd make balloon animals out of.
So as I sat up on the bed, as I flexed my abs to help myself sit upright, the balloon air escaped my asshole in ear splitting fashion.
The look on my face must have been horrific because stripper nurse looks right at me with this empathy in her eyes and before the trumpet finished its solo, she blurts out "Ahhhh oooh it's ok it happens to everyone!". I could feel my face and ears were burning red. I must have looked terribly embarrassed because then she put her "ohhhhhh" pouty lip puppy dog face on as if to say "I know you're really embarrassed right now but mommy will make it all better.."--- but it was sooooo soul wrecking.
Dejected, I crawl off the table and the trumpet changed pitch to that of a tuba and I let fly with the second chorus. My knees buckled. I'd never been so embarrassed infront of a woman not named "Mom" in my life.
I get dressed and drag my ass out of there and my ego is so embarrassed that I'd given up the thought of waxing this girls ass. As I'm checking out, she walks up beside me and said "thanks for the show" and in pro fashion, slides a piece of paper in my pocket unnoticed by anyone but me.
It took me two weeks to overcome the shame before I called her.
I know TLDNR.
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patients for upper and lower endoscopies were not sedated heavily until maybe 20 years ago.
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