did you hear about the aggie lesbian she likes men.
After 13 years aggie jokes are back
- Thread starter outhereincali
- Start date
Four Aggies spent all day one Saturday at a bar in College Station where they had reserved a special table to do an A&M school assignment. The bartender served them food and drinks all day and noticed that they were completely focused on their project. Finally, after 9 hours of work, they jumped up and began yelling and giving high-fives to one another.
The bartender walked over and asked why they were so excited, and one of them pointed a puzzle box on the table. “It says 2-3 years on the box but it only took the four of us only 9 hours to finish it!,” exclaimed Aggie.
The bartender walked over and asked why they were so excited, and one of them pointed a puzzle box on the table. “It says 2-3 years on the box but it only took the four of us only 9 hours to finish it!,” exclaimed Aggie.
There was this aggie and when he was a kid he had this terrible accident and lost all the skin around his ears. He was obviously sensitive about the way he looked but it didn't keep him from doing well in life. One day he decided to start a new business. Realizing he didn't know much about the business he wanted to start he set out to interview someone who did.
The first person he interviewed was a well qualified graduate from Baylor. The interview went very well. At the end of the interview the aggie asked him do you notice anything different about me? The Baylor guy said yeah you ain't got any ears. The aggie said I'm sorry you're not what I'm looking for.
The second person he interviewed was a well qualified graduate from UT. The interview went very well. At the end of the interview the aggie asked him do you notice anything different about me? The UT guy said yeah you ain't got any ears. The aggie said I'm sorry you're not what I'm looking for.
The third person he interviewed was another aggie. During the interview the aggie asked him do you notice anything different about me. The other aggie said yeah you're wearing contacts. The aggie said why yes I am how could you tell?
Well I was thinking sure as hell can't wear glasses.
The first person he interviewed was a well qualified graduate from Baylor. The interview went very well. At the end of the interview the aggie asked him do you notice anything different about me? The Baylor guy said yeah you ain't got any ears. The aggie said I'm sorry you're not what I'm looking for.
The second person he interviewed was a well qualified graduate from UT. The interview went very well. At the end of the interview the aggie asked him do you notice anything different about me? The UT guy said yeah you ain't got any ears. The aggie said I'm sorry you're not what I'm looking for.
The third person he interviewed was another aggie. During the interview the aggie asked him do you notice anything different about me. The other aggie said yeah you're wearing contacts. The aggie said why yes I am how could you tell?
Well I was thinking sure as hell can't wear glasses.
During the game an Aggie and Longhorn visit the restroom to take a piss. After they're gone, the Aggie goes right over to the sink and washes his hands. However, the Longhorn starts walking out the door. Then the Aggie snidely remarks, "at A&M they teach up to wash up after taking a piss." The Longhorn turns and replies, "at Texas they teach us not to piss on our hands."
An Aggie scientist is experimenting with frogs.
He pulls a frog out of a box and sets it on a table, he says jump frog jump. The frog jumps four feet. He writes in his notebook, a frog with four legs jumps four feet.
He chops one of the frog’s legs off, sets it on the table, and says jump frog jump. The frog jumps three feet. He writes in his notebook, a frog with three legs jumps three feet.
He chops another of the frog’s legs off, sets it on the table, and says jump frog jump. The frog jumps two feet. He writes in his notebook, a frog with two legs jumps two feet.
He again chops another leg off. He sets the frog on the table and says jump frog jump. The frog jumps one foot. He writes in his notebook, a frog with one leg jumps one foot.
He chops the frog’s last leg off, sets it on the table, and says jump frog jump. Nothing happens, so he says a little louder, jump frog jump. Again, nothing happens, so he says even louder, jump frog jump. He waits a few seconds then yells loudly, JUMP FROG JUMP. Again, nothing happens. He writes in his notebook, a frog with no legs can’t hear.
He pulls a frog out of a box and sets it on a table, he says jump frog jump. The frog jumps four feet. He writes in his notebook, a frog with four legs jumps four feet.
He chops one of the frog’s legs off, sets it on the table, and says jump frog jump. The frog jumps three feet. He writes in his notebook, a frog with three legs jumps three feet.
He chops another of the frog’s legs off, sets it on the table, and says jump frog jump. The frog jumps two feet. He writes in his notebook, a frog with two legs jumps two feet.
He again chops another leg off. He sets the frog on the table and says jump frog jump. The frog jumps one foot. He writes in his notebook, a frog with one leg jumps one foot.
He chops the frog’s last leg off, sets it on the table, and says jump frog jump. Nothing happens, so he says a little louder, jump frog jump. Again, nothing happens, so he says even louder, jump frog jump. He waits a few seconds then yells loudly, JUMP FROG JUMP. Again, nothing happens. He writes in his notebook, a frog with no legs can’t hear.
A Longhorn, Gator and aggy were hitchhiking. A espn bus stops and says, "If you prove you play a sport, we will give you a ride"
The Longhorn finds a hubcap, goes to the door and says, "Billy, discus thrower". Espn let's him in the bus.
The gator finds a long pole. He goes to the door and says, "Johnny, pole vaulter". Espn opens the door and let's him in.
The aggy scratches his head and goes off on a long search. Finally he comes back wrapped in barbedwire head to toe, cut and bleeding profusely. He hobbles to the door and says, "Gomer, fencing".
The Longhorn finds a hubcap, goes to the door and says, "Billy, discus thrower". Espn let's him in the bus.
The gator finds a long pole. He goes to the door and says, "Johnny, pole vaulter". Espn opens the door and let's him in.
The aggy scratches his head and goes off on a long search. Finally he comes back wrapped in barbedwire head to toe, cut and bleeding profusely. He hobbles to the door and says, "Gomer, fencing".
What do you do when an aggie throws a pin at you?
Run like hell he's got a grenade in his teeth.
Run like hell he's got a grenade in his teeth.
A newly graduated aggy veterinarian goes home for his 10 year HS reunion, ready to show off his diploma.
The first night, at the hotel mixer, he sees his old friend, a Texas grad at the bar and saddles up next to him for a beer.
They catch up on each other's lives and the aggy, proud of his new "small animal vet status" begins to boast a bit about his knowledge of animals.
The Texas grad says "let's put that knowledge to the test".
"There's four black roosters sitting perched on a hen house. How many beaks do they have?"
The aggy responds quickly-- "well, they got 4."
The Texas grad fires back "Ok-- how many wings do they have?"
The aggy thinks about it and says "8".
"You're doing great!" Says the Texas grad. "Know, how many legs do they have."
The aggy ponders a moment and says "...... also 8".
The Texas grad nods and asks "ok.... along comed a white housecat beneath them. He's eyeing the roosters, ready to pounce. How many teeth does he have?"
The aggy is stumped. He sits in silence trying to remember his schooling. Finally he looks up and says "Dang it. I'm not certain."
The Texas grad looks at him and says "You sure know alot about black cocks but nothing about white p*ssy."
The first night, at the hotel mixer, he sees his old friend, a Texas grad at the bar and saddles up next to him for a beer.
They catch up on each other's lives and the aggy, proud of his new "small animal vet status" begins to boast a bit about his knowledge of animals.
The Texas grad says "let's put that knowledge to the test".
"There's four black roosters sitting perched on a hen house. How many beaks do they have?"
The aggy responds quickly-- "well, they got 4."
The Texas grad fires back "Ok-- how many wings do they have?"
The aggy thinks about it and says "8".
"You're doing great!" Says the Texas grad. "Know, how many legs do they have."
The aggy ponders a moment and says "...... also 8".
The Texas grad nods and asks "ok.... along comed a white housecat beneath them. He's eyeing the roosters, ready to pounce. How many teeth does he have?"
The aggy is stumped. He sits in silence trying to remember his schooling. Finally he looks up and says "Dang it. I'm not certain."
The Texas grad looks at him and says "You sure know alot about black cocks but nothing about white p*ssy."
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There were two aggies who attended all home games, but when the games were over they could never find their car. This went on for years, finally, the one aggie told his buddy the next home game we won't have this problem. So the next Saturday the aggie picked up his buddy riding a camel, then they took off riding to the game. Tied up the camel went inside, when the game was over the two aggies came out of the stadium only to see twenty-five camels tied up. The one aggie asked the other what are we going to do, his buddy said this won't take long, so he starts down the row of camels raising up each one's tail, after he looked at all the camels he went back to his buddy, who asked him why he raised each camel's tail, and his aggie buddy replied, when we tied our camel up didn't you hear the guy parked next to us say..... Look at the two Assholes on that camel.
Two aggies were driving down a country road when they came across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. They pulled over and the passenger ran up, dropped his pants and went to town on this poor stuck sheep. When he was done, he looked over at his buddy and asked him, "you want a piece of this action?" His buddy said, "hell yeah, but do I need to stick my head in the fence?"
Two Aggies were walking together on campus when they see a dog licking itself.
The first Aggie says, “Gee, don’t you wish you could do that?”
The second Aggie replies, “Well yeah, but I’m afraid it would bite me.”
The first Aggie says, “Gee, don’t you wish you could do that?”
The second Aggie replies, “Well yeah, but I’m afraid it would bite me.”
Did you hear about the aggie that moved to Oklamhoma?
Raised the average IQ of both states.
Raised the average IQ of both states.
Aggie goes to a hardware store to buy some boards for a house. The sales clerk asks him "What size boards do you want?" The aggie goes out to confer with his Aggie Co-workers and comes back and says, "2x4." The clerk then asks, "How long do you want the lumber?" The aggie goes out to confer with his Aggie Co-workers and comes back and says, "We want them for a long time. We're building a house."
While starting to build a house, an aggy would pick up a nail and hammer it in. But with other nails, he would pick it up and toss it in a pile. The boss aggy walked up, observed what was going on and had enough, saying, " What in the sam blazes are you doing?!"
The worker aggy replied, "Some of these nails are defective. The head is on the wrong end so I was throwing them away!"
The boss aggy chuckled and said, "You dummy! Those nails are for the other side of the house!"
The worker aggy replied, "Some of these nails are defective. The head is on the wrong end so I was throwing them away!"
The boss aggy chuckled and said, "You dummy! Those nails are for the other side of the house!"
Do me a favor- if you ever run into @Hornius Emeritus -- tell him Clob says "what's up" and ask him why he hasn't been down here to the Dungeon since covid cleared up.
Can you do a brotha a solid?
My cousin, who's an aggy grad is here at my house for Thanksgiving. She asked if she could wash her favorite sweat shirt in the washing machine and of course, I said yes.
She's in the laundry room and hollers out at me "hey, what setting do I use?"
I say back "Depends. What's it say on your sweat shirt?"
She replies "Texas A&M"
She's in the laundry room and hollers out at me "hey, what setting do I use?"
I say back "Depends. What's it say on your sweat shirt?"
She replies "Texas A&M"
Did you hear about the aggy who lost his girlfriend?
He forgot where he laid her.
He forgot where he laid her.
I met a Texas Aggie the other day that had ridden a stick horse all the way up to Indiana!
"That must've been a hella long journey, " I said to him."You're telling me," he answered, "it feels like I walked all the way.!!
An aggie walks in a bar away from colley station...
He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender walks up and says "Oh no, I've heard about you Aggies"
The Aggie replies "Well, what have you heard?"
The bartender says "I've heard you guys fvkk anything. And I mean, anything! Horses, sheep, cows, goats, pigs, chickens.."
Suddenly the Aggie exclaims "CHICKENS?!!!"
He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender walks up and says "Oh no, I've heard about you Aggies"
The Aggie replies "Well, what have you heard?"
The bartender says "I've heard you guys fvkk anything. And I mean, anything! Horses, sheep, cows, goats, pigs, chickens.."
Suddenly the Aggie exclaims "CHICKENS?!!!"
An aggy student who had been attending the school for 14 years was called into the Dean's office.
"Cletus, you're making us look bad. You've been here 14 years and still haven't graduated. We need to fix that. So here's what we're gonna do. This year, at halftime of the A&M and Texas game, you're going to come out on the field and we are going to ask you one question. If you get it right, you officially graduate. If you get it wrong, we're gonna have to kick you out."
A nervous Cletus agreed.
4 days later, it's halftime of the big game. The aggy announcer comes on the loudspeaker and tells the crowd what the situation is.
Cletus walks out to midfield to a chorus of yells from the aggy faithful.
Cletus stands at midfield and is given a microphone from the Dean.
The voice over the loud speaker booms "Cletus..... your final question is...... what is 2 plus 2...".
The aggy faithful hold their breath as Cletus begins counting on his fingers.
After about a minute, Cletus slowly raises the microphone to his face and hesitantly says "......four....?".
In perfect unity- the entire aggy crowd bellows out "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
"Cletus, you're making us look bad. You've been here 14 years and still haven't graduated. We need to fix that. So here's what we're gonna do. This year, at halftime of the A&M and Texas game, you're going to come out on the field and we are going to ask you one question. If you get it right, you officially graduate. If you get it wrong, we're gonna have to kick you out."
A nervous Cletus agreed.
4 days later, it's halftime of the big game. The aggy announcer comes on the loudspeaker and tells the crowd what the situation is.
Cletus walks out to midfield to a chorus of yells from the aggy faithful.
Cletus stands at midfield and is given a microphone from the Dean.
The voice over the loud speaker booms "Cletus..... your final question is...... what is 2 plus 2...".
The aggy faithful hold their breath as Cletus begins counting on his fingers.
After about a minute, Cletus slowly raises the microphone to his face and hesitantly says "......four....?".
In perfect unity- the entire aggy crowd bellows out "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
It's spring break and 4 high school friends meet up in South Padre to party. All 4 attended different universities. One went to Texas, another to Tech, the third attended Baylor and the last was an aggy.
They decide to cross the border and go party in Matamoros. During the evening of drunken debauchery, the Baylor student grabs the book of a young woman who's boyfriend is a local cop.
She leaves the bar and returns with her boyfriend and 6 of his officer buddies.
The 4 student realize they're headed to jail so they bail out the back door and make a run for the border.
With the police closing in, the 4 student dash into a customs warehouse in hopes of hiding from the cops. As they enter the warehouse, the Texas grad opens the first crate he sees and climbs n. Inside the crate he finds 2 baby calves. The Baylor student hops into the next crate and inside it he finds 2 young piglets. The Tech kid opens the lid and hops into the 3rd crate and is greeted by two baby lambs.
The aggy bails into the next crate and lands on a huge pile of potatoes.
Moments later, the warehouse doors fly open and it's the policia..... They suspect the boys are hiding in the warehouse and slowly start inspecting all the inventory.
They come upon the crate with the Texas kid in it, poke their rifle barrels through the holes and the Texas kid does his best cow impression "moooooo moooooo mooooo" he mimics.
The cop shrugs and says "debe ser una vaca".
He goes to next crate. He pokes his rifle barrel in the hole and hears the Tech student say "oink oink oink oink".
The cops shrugs and says "debe ser un cerdo".
He continues to the next crate- poking his rifle barrel in and the Baylor student goes "baaaaaaaaa.....baaaa....baaaaaaa."
Again, the cops shrugs and says "debe ser un cordero."
The cop walks over the crate with the aggy in it, pokes his rifle barrel through one of the holes in it and the aggy yells out "POTATOES!!!!".
They decide to cross the border and go party in Matamoros. During the evening of drunken debauchery, the Baylor student grabs the book of a young woman who's boyfriend is a local cop.
She leaves the bar and returns with her boyfriend and 6 of his officer buddies.
The 4 student realize they're headed to jail so they bail out the back door and make a run for the border.
With the police closing in, the 4 student dash into a customs warehouse in hopes of hiding from the cops. As they enter the warehouse, the Texas grad opens the first crate he sees and climbs n. Inside the crate he finds 2 baby calves. The Baylor student hops into the next crate and inside it he finds 2 young piglets. The Tech kid opens the lid and hops into the 3rd crate and is greeted by two baby lambs.
The aggy bails into the next crate and lands on a huge pile of potatoes.
Moments later, the warehouse doors fly open and it's the policia..... They suspect the boys are hiding in the warehouse and slowly start inspecting all the inventory.
They come upon the crate with the Texas kid in it, poke their rifle barrels through the holes and the Texas kid does his best cow impression "moooooo moooooo mooooo" he mimics.
The cop shrugs and says "debe ser una vaca".
He goes to next crate. He pokes his rifle barrel in the hole and hears the Tech student say "oink oink oink oink".
The cops shrugs and says "debe ser un cerdo".
He continues to the next crate- poking his rifle barrel in and the Baylor student goes "baaaaaaaaa.....baaaa....baaaaaaa."
Again, the cops shrugs and says "debe ser un cordero."
The cop walks over the crate with the aggy in it, pokes his rifle barrel through one of the holes in it and the aggy yells out "POTATOES!!!!".
Did you hear A&M just took delivery of 1000 septic tanks?
As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they are invading tu.
As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they are invading tu.
Here's a true aggie story. The Texas rivalry goes all the way back to the 1890's. Now as we all know Texas has dominated the rivalry. The aggies lost the first 30 games in Austin before they finally broke through a won in Austin.
After the game they stormed out on the field and tried to tear it goal posts down. They shook and shook but the goal posts would not go down and they finally gave up.
There were at least 20 of them hanging on the crossbar like baboons. Just goes to show you the son of bitchies are shitty engineers.
After the game they stormed out on the field and tried to tear it goal posts down. They shook and shook but the goal posts would not go down and they finally gave up.
There were at least 20 of them hanging on the crossbar like baboons. Just goes to show you the son of bitchies are shitty engineers.
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfighting being held in the area around Crawley and sent their famous detective Boudreaux to investigate. Boudreaux reported to his sergeant the next morning. “Dey is tree main groups in de cockfightin’,” he began. “Good work. Who are they?” the sergeant asked. Boudreaux replied confidently, “De Texas Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia.” Puzzled, the sergeant asked, “How did you find that out in one night?” “Well,” he replied, “I went down and done seen dat cockfight in person. I knowed dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight.” The sergeant nodded. “I’ll buy that. But what about the others?” Boudreaux nodded knowingly. “Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on the de duck.” “Ah,” sighed the sergeant. “And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?” “De duck won.”
