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Two Tipsy Women Sneak Into a Graveyard to Pee

One uses her panties to wipe with and throws them away, the other one uses a ribbon from a wreath.

The next day, one husband calls the other: "My wife came home last night not wearing any panties!""

That's nothing! My wife had a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you."

Instant Analysis: NC State out-shoots Texas on the way to Final Four

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Cliffs Notes: NC State dominated the Longhorns in the first half to such a degree that not even playing better in the second half matter, as the Wolfpack won 76-66 to advance to the Final Four.

The Participants: No.1 Texas (33-5) and No.3 NC State (31-6)

Game MVP: Freshman Madison Booker led the Longhorns with 17 points, grabbed 5 rebounds and dished out 5 assists, but shot only 8 of 21 from the floor, which says a lot about the kind of game it was for the Longhorns.
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Key Stretch: The Wolfpack went on a 17-2 run in the second quarter that turned a 3-point game into an 18-point game.

First Half Failure: It's pretty simple... just take a look at the Texas triple slash shooting splits: 34.1/33.3/50.0. Now take a look at NC State's line: 48.3/66.7/69.2. It doesn't take a smart person to figure out why the Longhorns lost the first half by 12 points.

Three-Point Disadvantage: Texas made only 1 of 5 from downtown, while NC State hit 9 of 18 shots behind the arc, which means the Longhorns were beaten 27-3 on points off of 3-point shots.

One more ugly stat: NC State had a 16-3 edge in fast-break points.

Next Up: No one. The season ends here.

The Sunday Pulpit (via Loewy Law Firm): Steve Sarkisian gets his wish, practicing with new toy

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Adam Loewy is one of the top personal injury lawyers in Austin. Adam is a proud graduate of the University of Texas School of Law and started his law firm in 2005. Adam helps people who have been injured in car crashes, slip and falls, dog bites, and other assorted ways. He is actively involved in every case he handles and is always available to talk or text. If you or a loved one has been injured, call the Loewy Law Firm today at (512) 280-0800.

Texas Longhorns football coach Steve Sarkisian is currently working on installing the playbook and figuring out the depth chart. Sarkisian and his staff are constantly shuffling players in practice to find the right fit. Our detailed practice notes have given everyone a behind-the-scenes look at spring practice.

Sarkisian is also preparing for something that could be a game-changer for college football programs this fall.

Coach-to-player communications through a helmet.

For those who may have missed it, here is what ESPN recently reported at the beginning of March:

“Technology in college football is finally starting to catch up to the NFL, as the NCAA Football Rules Committee on Friday proposed rules that would allow schools to use coach-to-player communications through the helmet to one player on the field.

"That player would be identified by having a green dot on the back midline of his helmet, and the communication would be turned off with 15 seconds remaining on the play clock or when the ball is snapped -- whichever comes first.

"The rule, which for now is limited to FBS teams, could go into effect for this season if the NCAA Playing Rules Oversight Panel approves it on April 18."


As a result of the potential rule change, Sarkisian began using helmet communication when spring practice began.

“We're in kind of that phase where they're allowing us that opportunity to do that,” Sarkisian said. “In working with the SEC and with the NCAA, that looks like it's going to be a go for us … I think you can do both, quite frankly. Again, it's a lot easier to say five words than signal five words, but yet you can give more information and you can have some real dialogue to where you can speed up, and slow down. Hopefully, I can give him (Quinn Ewer) some information that allows him to play a little bit faster within plays as well.”

So far, the results have been good.

Texas quarterback Quinn Ewers’ face lit up like a Christmas tree when asked about using helmet communication this past week.

“I love it. I think it makes things a little bit easier for me,” Ewers said. “Obviously, we're still signaling, but I still have Sark telling me the plays in the helmet. First day was a little shaky. I was getting used to it, but I think it's going to be really helpful for me.”

There are plenty of benefits for everyone involved.

The most obvious benefit is the ability to reduce signal stealing potentially.

During the height of Michigan’s sign-stealing scandal, I asked Sarkisian if he would like to see helmet radios in college football. Before I could finish my sentence, Sarkisian chimed in.

“Yes, yes, please. Somebody write an article about why doesn't college football have coach-to-player communication so I don't have to deal with sign-stealing,” Sarkisian said. “I spend half my week changing signals and signs rather than coaching the game of football. So yes, please write an article. [You can] ask another question, Anwar. Sorry."

I asked Sarkisian to explain why it would help - and he did.

“It all just makes sense to me,” Sarkisian said. “It all makes sense to me. There's no shortage of money in college football, clearly. That whole idea that it's a competitive disadvantage for those that can't do it or that stadiums aren't equipped to have that type of technology, I don't buy it. I don't understand it. And the fact that every time I turn on anything late at night, and we're talking about college football, if not the first topic, the second topic is we're talking about sign-stealing. Our game is way too good. There's too many good stories going on right now in college football, and that's at the forefront of what we're doing. It should be at the forefront because I think what was going on [at Michigan] was wrong.

“But at the end of the day, that shouldn't be at the forefront. There's too many great stories. There's too many great players around the country that are playing good football. Too many teams that are playing good football right now, for us not to be talking about those things. We're talking about sign-stealing. Let's just fix the problem. It's not that hard. Let's get player-to-coach communication and move forward."

Sarkisian is not the only coach preparing for coach-to-player communications.

Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin was asked about it this past week.

Of course, Kiffin didn’t waste an opportunity to say something noteworthy.

“I've been part of those conversations for a long time in SEC meetings.," Kiffin said. "They’re defensive head coach driven about hey, we need to have our middle linebacker like the NFL have this, and then people can stop seeing stealing our signals. It's here now. We utilized it in practice and [it's] our first time getting used to it.

“I think differently, especially after using it. I think it's really like having a cheat code in Madden offensively. I don't know that they've really thought defensively of what exactly that means. I think the assumption is just oh, you talked to the quarterback. But there's really more to it than that, especially the way we run our offense. Without giving too much in that of what it allows us to do with signals, with the whole process. I think it's a cheat code offensively if you do certain things offensively. So, defensive coaches always wanted it. So, it's here.”

Man, I like Kiffin.

Speaking of defense, Sarkisian is still sorting out which players on that side of the ball will wear the helmet.

“We're still going through that,” Sarkisian said. “I think the natural thing in the NFL, it's that you're one of your linebackers, the guy who's connected to the front and the back end that can communicate. But because of the space of college football, and because of the hashes and the width of the field, we've kicked around it possibly being a defensive back, maybe our Star because of where he aligns and that ability to communicate. We'll see. We’re still working on that. Against, it's still very new. And the idea that people aren't going to go no-huddle, just because there's a headset really isn't true. You’re still going to have to signal some defensively as well.”

However, Texas senior linebacker David Gbenda believes Anthony Hill might wear the helmet during games.

“I assume it's going to be Ant,” Gbenda said. “He just needs to give me the call and we can just continue to communicate, no matter whoever gets it [the helmet]. I feel like Ant’s pretty comfortable with the communication part as well. He's been improving with that, too. He makes the close calls and he makes all the defensive checks. If I can improve on that, I can do it.”

That being said, Sarkisian is not going to abandon traditional signals.

“I don't know if we're going to totally abandon that,” Sarkisian said. “[Last week] was day one of working ourselves through it. We’re in total base install mode. We're not in a game plan mode. We're still teaching the foundation of our offense, which is signaling. As we get closer to the season, we get started getting into training camp, I'm sure we're going to have different modes and mechanisms of getting play calls in.

“But again, we want to teach the foundation of signaling because God forbid the headset goes out in DKR for whatever reason, I still got to get the play into our players. We want to always kind of have contingency plans available. We still want to teach the foundation of our offense, which is signaling, but yet getting used to the new way of having the ability to communicate to the quarterback.”

Funniest Things You Will See This Week

Scout team players can identify with this.
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Sage Steele should try preparing for her interviews (bad language alert)
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She passed and failed (adult humor)
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If these men wanted to toughen up, an OB subscription would have been cheaper (bad language alert)
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Sports On A Dime

1. Nobody can argue against the greatness of Vic Schaefer
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2. Texas quarterback Quinn Ewers on developing a rapport with his new receivers: “A lot of new faces in that room. It made my job a lot easier having you know, J-Whitt and Xavier in that room to help those younger guys. But now we don't really have an old head like J-Whitt to kind of help those guys figure it out. It’s good. It's good for me. It's good because now I get to learn more about how to help those guys and to get more comfortable being in that position.”

3. Ewers on his young receivers: “It's easy to tell they all want to play and they all have the capability of playing here. It's just a matter of getting down Coach Sark’s offense. It's still early. Those guys are still young. But I think they've really started to grasp it. I mean, it's the second week of spring ball. I'm just fired up to see when they’ll start to play fast and not have to think so much. It’s going to be a pretty fun experience.”

4. Texas senior linebacker David Gbenda on the difference between playing Mike and Will linebackers: “I mean, whenever I go through my preparation, I would always just break down the defense holistically. I'll just write it down from corner, boundary safety, free safety, basically, top down. I would just say for me, it would just be the responsibilities the Mike and Will have. That'd be the difference. But I understand that pretty well because as I was going to spring practice previously, I would also try to stress myself to get reps at different spots so that I could prove my versatility.”

5. Gbenda on Anthony Hill’s growth: “He's already a smart kid. I would say for him, he's getting more confident. He's understanding holistically the defense and he's just harping on more the little techniques and just being harder on himself. I see him growing. He's maturing more. I love that about him. He's not a guy who's afraid to learn and thinks he has it all figured out. He's always willing to take tidbits and he's smart. A lot of people don't see because he's very quiet to himself, but he's been growing a lot. I love to see the growth.”

6. Texas football coach Steve Sarkisian on Edge Trey Moore: “First of all, it is his work ethic. You can tell a guy who comes into the program and has a chip on his shoulder. Trey has got something to prove. I think there's some value to that in the portal when you can recruit a guy that maybe is not coming from an SEC school or a Big 10 school, and now they get here, they got something to prove. He's a really talented player. We saw that firsthand when we played against him. The way he worked all winter conditioning, and now the way he practices. He practices with real intent. He's an extremely effective pass rusher. He's really good in his awareness of the game of football and the things that we're doing beyond just rushing the passer. And then he has a sense of physicality and the way that he plays. I think it starts with his approach. He maximizes every day. He tries to squeeze every drop out of the day, and it shows in the way that he works in practice.”

7. Sarkisian on the development of sophomore running back CJ Baxter: “Obviously, a very gifted player. He's got the size, the speed. He's got great hands out of the backfield. The evolution for the runner is really two things. One, playing to your strengths. The size and speed that CJ, I think his understanding and his ability to consistently run kind of violent is a strength of his. When he does, he is tough to get on the ground, and we've seen that firsthand. Two, naturally as the runner, you grow, especially in our system in the past protection stuff. It's one thing to know what to do. It's another to know how to do it. Third thing, to apply it all in the moment. His growth there, we've seen it but we're always striving for more on that front. Just who he is on a daily basis and what he brings, I think it's been fun to watch those guys mature.

“Jaydon Blue, CJ Baxter, Tre Wisner, they have really matured and they've grown into a leadership role quickly, and proud of them that way. And that's because they paid attention when they were younger. Blue had a chance to be behind Jonathan Brooks, Bijan Robinson, Roschon Johnson. That made sense to him and he's grown up. CJ got a chance to be with Jonathan Brooks and Keilan Robinson a year ago. It allowed him to see what it looks like and grow up.”

8. We need to keep an eye on this story reported by Yahoo’s Ross Dellenger this past week. If this rule passes, the roles of analysts will dramatically change this year.

“The NCAA Football Oversight Committee introduced a legislative proposal this month that would expand the abilities of a football support staff, permitting all staff members to provide players skill and tactical coaching instruction — both during practice and games. The proposal, introduced for a second straight year after failing to get approval last spring, eliminates the policy limiting coaching instruction to only the NCAA’s maximum of 11 “countable” coaches: the 10 assistants and head coach.

“The proposal strictly maintains the number of off-campus recruiters to 11, but gives flexibility to head coaches to potentially designate any 10 staff members as “countable” coaches who are eligible to recruit off-campus.

“The proposal is now in a six-week socialization stage as members of the oversight committee receive feedback from their respective conferences. The committee is scheduled to meet in mid-May to assess feedback and potentially adopt the legislation. Any adoption from the committee is subject to the approval of the DI Council, the primary NCAA governing board that consists of 40 members from all 32 conferences.

“If the proposal is adopted, it will take effect either in time for summer training or the start of fall camp, said Craig Bohl, the executive director of the American Football Coaches Association. The AFCA endorses the proposal “100%,” said Bohl, who sits on the oversight committee.

“This is probably the most common sense approach that we could make,” he told Yahoo Sports. “For years, we’ve had analysts and quality control coaches who have had a desire to coach. So much has changed with the landscape with players now being compensated. To be concerned that you’re going to have an assistant quarterbacks coach out there coaching is counter productive. It’s been a compliance nightmare.”

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9. If this ever impacts our staff’s ability to use PrizePicks, forgive us when we miss work to protest in the streets.
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10. We love to say, “I’ve seen it all.” Well, add this wild boxing match to your list.
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Happy Easter
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My grandson needs an internship

My grandson is a senior at Stephen F. Austin University majoring in mechanical engineering. He would like to have an internship this summer in Austin that is related to his major. He needs it to be in Austin so he can live at home and save money.

He is a graduate of Austin High and a great young man—an Eagle Scout, no drugs or alcohol, and not afraid to work. He spent a summer working on a construction job, so heat and hard work are not a problem for him. He is 6-7, strong and in good health.

OB has been great in the past to offer help and advice, so I will be appreciative if any of you can offer any suggestions. You can email me at dwf@mail.utexas.edu

Thanks for your help.

UTDave

RB Javion Osborne talks Texas visit, UT practice and the two UT running backs that stood out

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Running back Javian Osborne got a surprise invitation from the Texas coaching staff to attend practice on Friday, and Osborne didn’t pass up the opportunity to watch the Longhorns in action. The standout out of Forney made his way to Austin on Thursday morning and then hit the UT campus early Friday morning to sit in on running back positional meetings before heading over to the practice fields to watch the Longhorns work out. It was a great experience overall, Osborne said.

“Everything went well down in Austin,” he said. “I learned a few new things. It was very fun for me.”

Osborne has visited Texas prior to Friday’s trip and always has glowing things to say about his experiences in Austin. This trip was no different.

“I definitely say it’s the love that they continuously show, the consistency of it,” Osborne said when asked what makes him want to keep returning to UT. “Just how they function, how Texas football is, what it’s about. I really enjoy it. I learned some things about the campus, learned some of the plays.”

Osborne arrived on campus at 7:30 a.m. so he could sit in the pre-practice running backs positional meeting. That experience, getting to see Tashard Choice in action, was one of the highlights of the day.

“It was cool just learning some things that they do on Saturday, how they have Bevo walk down the street, walk the players down, that’s pretty unique, pretty amazing to watch. It was awesome to learn those different things. Then just sitting in the running backs room, coach Choice was cracking jokes, learning the plays was just awesome,” Osborne said.

When things moved over to the practice field, Osborne kept a close eye on the Texas backs and he said a couple of players really stood out.

“CJ Baxter, his size - I did not know he was that tall. Seeing him in person, he’s as big as those receivers but he was definitely hitting the holes, running hard,” Osborne said. “Another one that caught my eye was (Tre) Wisner. He looked really good. He’s really nice. It was really good to see those guys excel.”

A Rivals250 member in the 2026 recruiting cycle, Osborne will hit A&M for a visit next weekend. He’s hoping to get out to Louisville in mid-April but those plans are not yet finalized. Osborne is currently holding about 25 scholarship offers and while he’s keeping an open mind, he does have a handful of schools that have his attention.

“Really, as we move forward and closer to the recruiting process, I’ll narrow my list. But there are definitely some schools out there, schools that interest me a lot,” Osborne said. “Texas definitely, OU, Notre Dame, Alabama, Tennessee and Wisconsin. Those are a few schools I really see myself at.”

Osborne is ranked as a four-star prospect by Rivals.com and checks in at No. 143 on the Rivals250.

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OT: The Truth vs. Alex Jones

On HBO and Max now. I watched it tonight and I don't know how anyone who sees what he did to those Sandy Hook families knowing he was lying and only caring about making money off of his lies can continue to give him any support or credence. Unfortunately he continues to broadcast and garner the praise of people who should know better like Joe Rogan, Russel Brand and Tucker Carlson. I don't care what your political persuasion backing this grifter who doesn't care about hurting innocent people is just wrong. IMO anything he may say now is forever invalidated by what he purposely didto profit out of the pain off the parents and victims of Sandy Hook.

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  • Poll
Are homeowners on golf courses owed anything when their house is damaged by golf balls?


if your tee shot hits a house on a golf course and does damage is the owner entitled to compensation for the damage?

I say **** ‘em. They live on a ****ing golf course. What the **** did they think was going to happen?

There is a Yelp review for my club by a homeowner complaining that our GM won’t call them back about a window that was broken by a golf ball.

Johntay Cook/Matthew Golden/Liona Lefau Autograph Signings

Hey everyone. Im your resident UT Memorabila Dealer. I’ve finally set dates for the Lefau Cook and Golden signings. Lefau is next Saturday and Cook/Golden are in 4/27. These are private signings but if you would like to preorder a jersey, mini, or Full Size helmet please message me.

Lefau
Jerseys Orange or white $85
Minis $105

Cook
Jerseys-Orange, White, Black. Custom or game cut
$125
Mini helmets $150
Alternative Mjnis $175
Full Size helmets $275
Full Size Alternatives $300
Full Size Authentics $400
Full size Speed Flex $650

Golden
Jerseys-Orange, White, Black. Custom or game cut
$100
Mini Helmets $125
Alternative Minis $$150
Full Size helmets $250
Full Size Alternatives $275


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Bad Joke Monday

A nun gets into a cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always wondered what it would be like to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK," the nun says. "Pull in to the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss like he has never been kissed before.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a costume party."

Peaceful relations from Breed of Peace

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