I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving, I know I did. An entire pony keg of Breckenridge Brewery Christmas Ale all by myself....(i'm told it's what you do when in-laws come over) and now I feel like a cotton-tail bunny sh!t in my mouth. So let's see if Clob can pull it together this morning. Deep breath Clob- push through......
Here we go kids.
There's several reasons to make fun of Texas Tech. I mean, let's be honest. They're in the middle of nowhere. They live in a dry county. Every time there's a tornado the off campus housing/trailer park dorm gets destroyed. They throw stale tortillas (what's that sh!t about?). They're the numero uno school for venereal disease EVERY year. It's true. Raider rash. West Texas Sabre tooth crotch crickets etc.... The meme of the Tech kid ringing the bell that looks like he's jerking his weiner-- you've all seen that one. The stupid horse riding Zoro dude. Remember that time in 94 when the horse got spooked and threw the Zoro dude and then smashed into the wall and killed itself? It wasn't an accident. The horse committed seppuku. You would too if you went to school there. And their mascot looks like a knock off of Yosemite Sam..... ya-- tech's just one big fraud after another. At least real aggy has some war heros.... Tech is all smoke and mirrors.
But the REAL reason tech sucks isn't because they let Craig James run off the funniest coach in college football history, Mike Leach-- nope.
The real reason is much more devious, and stupid.......
Let's rewind the clock to 1446. Not 1946 for you bifocal old fvckers reading this-- 1446.
This dude named Cormac MacCarthy-- not THAT Cormac MacCarthy-- was involved in a lawsuit. He had to go and argue his case infront of an Irish court and he wasn't a very good public speaker. So he prayed to the Goddess of the Banshees-- her name was Cliodhna-- he prayed to her about what to do. Miraculously, this Banshee lady answered him and told him to kiss the first stone he found on his way to court that morning.
Well, Cormac did that very thing. He found a stone, kissed it, went to court and was magically embued with the gift of gab and eloquent speaking. He won his court case in a slam dunk and thus the legend of this magical stone was born. MacCarthy was a builder of castles so he took this stone and set it high up in the ramparts of a castle called Blarney Castle-- and now people from around the world travel to Cork county Ireland to make the short trek northwest to Blarney Castle to kiss the magical limestone rock called the Blarney stone.
Some of you muh fuggas are scratching your head right now thinking "Well Clob-- what in the actual fvck does this have to do with Texas Tech..?"
I'll tell you.
On March 7 1939, some petroleum engineers from Tech were doing some surveying out in West Texas when they stumbled across a piece of limestone. Miraculously, almost like they pulled this theory out of thin air or their collective asses, they declared that this tiny little sliver of stone had the same chemical make-up as the Blarney stone in Ireland-- so it just HAD to be from THAT stone......... uh huh...
See- Texas Technical school was founded in 1923-- and it really didn't have anything unique about it that made it special or attractive. After all, who wants to live in fvcking Lubbock? It's hot. It's dry. It's windy. It sucks.
So these 2 petroleum engineers find this piece of limestone on March 7, they run into the office of the Dean, explain to him that this HAS TO BE part of the Blarney stone (even though no part of the stone was missing) and to commemorate it, an alter should be erected in the next 10 days to honor the stone on St. Patrick's Day which was March 17.
So 10 days later, a monument had been built and the stone placed upon it, and Texas Technical Institute now had their very own piece of the Blarney stone..........ya.... just like that.
And now, trailer trash from all around comes to Lubbock to kiss the Bullsh!t Blarney stone instead of flying to Ireland to do it.
So if you didn't have enough reasons to shake your head at Tech tards already, well, here's another one.
From my upstairs toilet dropping party mud after drinking too much beer last night--
TEXAS!
Here we go kids.
There's several reasons to make fun of Texas Tech. I mean, let's be honest. They're in the middle of nowhere. They live in a dry county. Every time there's a tornado the off campus housing/trailer park dorm gets destroyed. They throw stale tortillas (what's that sh!t about?). They're the numero uno school for venereal disease EVERY year. It's true. Raider rash. West Texas Sabre tooth crotch crickets etc.... The meme of the Tech kid ringing the bell that looks like he's jerking his weiner-- you've all seen that one. The stupid horse riding Zoro dude. Remember that time in 94 when the horse got spooked and threw the Zoro dude and then smashed into the wall and killed itself? It wasn't an accident. The horse committed seppuku. You would too if you went to school there. And their mascot looks like a knock off of Yosemite Sam..... ya-- tech's just one big fraud after another. At least real aggy has some war heros.... Tech is all smoke and mirrors.
But the REAL reason tech sucks isn't because they let Craig James run off the funniest coach in college football history, Mike Leach-- nope.
The real reason is much more devious, and stupid.......
Let's rewind the clock to 1446. Not 1946 for you bifocal old fvckers reading this-- 1446.
This dude named Cormac MacCarthy-- not THAT Cormac MacCarthy-- was involved in a lawsuit. He had to go and argue his case infront of an Irish court and he wasn't a very good public speaker. So he prayed to the Goddess of the Banshees-- her name was Cliodhna-- he prayed to her about what to do. Miraculously, this Banshee lady answered him and told him to kiss the first stone he found on his way to court that morning.
Well, Cormac did that very thing. He found a stone, kissed it, went to court and was magically embued with the gift of gab and eloquent speaking. He won his court case in a slam dunk and thus the legend of this magical stone was born. MacCarthy was a builder of castles so he took this stone and set it high up in the ramparts of a castle called Blarney Castle-- and now people from around the world travel to Cork county Ireland to make the short trek northwest to Blarney Castle to kiss the magical limestone rock called the Blarney stone.
Some of you muh fuggas are scratching your head right now thinking "Well Clob-- what in the actual fvck does this have to do with Texas Tech..?"
I'll tell you.
On March 7 1939, some petroleum engineers from Tech were doing some surveying out in West Texas when they stumbled across a piece of limestone. Miraculously, almost like they pulled this theory out of thin air or their collective asses, they declared that this tiny little sliver of stone had the same chemical make-up as the Blarney stone in Ireland-- so it just HAD to be from THAT stone......... uh huh...
See- Texas Technical school was founded in 1923-- and it really didn't have anything unique about it that made it special or attractive. After all, who wants to live in fvcking Lubbock? It's hot. It's dry. It's windy. It sucks.
So these 2 petroleum engineers find this piece of limestone on March 7, they run into the office of the Dean, explain to him that this HAS TO BE part of the Blarney stone (even though no part of the stone was missing) and to commemorate it, an alter should be erected in the next 10 days to honor the stone on St. Patrick's Day which was March 17.
So 10 days later, a monument had been built and the stone placed upon it, and Texas Technical Institute now had their very own piece of the Blarney stone..........ya.... just like that.
And now, trailer trash from all around comes to Lubbock to kiss the Bullsh!t Blarney stone instead of flying to Ireland to do it.
So if you didn't have enough reasons to shake your head at Tech tards already, well, here's another one.
From my upstairs toilet dropping party mud after drinking too much beer last night--
TEXAS!
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