Twenty-one years ago to the day, I remember walking out of DKR following Texas blitzing New Mexico State and I made a phone call to Bobby Burton while walking down San Jacinto back towards my car.
The Longhorns had just been other-worldly explosive that day. Selvin Young went 97 yards for a touchdown to open the scoring. Derrick Johnson had a pick-six. Michael Huff had a pick-six. Roy Williams had back-to-back touchdown receptions. Then Vince Young came in and ran for 60, passed for 60 (on one pass) and scored two touchdowns. To top it off, Selvin Young finished the day with a punt return for a touchdown.
I remember both of us telling each other that we had never quite seen a Texas team dripping with such playmaking talent.
Texas went on to lose the next week at home to Arkansas in embarrassing fashion, so part of the moral of this column will be to remind everyone that life can come at you fast in college football and just when you think Mount Everest has been climbed, along comes Matt Jones to remind you that an awesome performance can become completely forgotten in less than a week.
Why am I even bringing up this story?
Because outside of the entire 2005 season when the Longhorns went 13-0 and posted an average margin of victory of nearly 34 points per game, it has been a long time since I can remember thinking we have very clearly seen a next step in evolution in talent the way I felt on Saturday.
Not even the 2008 and 2009 Longhorns made me quite think some of the things that crossed my mind on Saturday during and following the destruction of a perfectly fine but overwhelmed Colorado State team. That's not to say that this 2024 edition of the Longhorns is better than those teams. Hell, the 2003 team that I just referenced ended up losing by 52 points to the Sooners.
So, please understand all of the context in some of the comments I'm about to make, but ...
1. This might be the fastest Texas offense that I've ever seen and that includes the 2005 Longhorns.
If these Texas receivers get into the open field like Billy Pittman did in Columbus, I don't think anyone is running them down from behind. These receivers might not be able to jump like Limas Sweed, but as far as quickness and explosiveness is concerned, they can go. Same with the running backs.
2. This might be the fastest Texas team we've seen since 2005.
I wonder which Ohio State team is the fastest to have travelled to Ann Arbor. They've had a bunch of fast teams over the years. Yet, outside of the Buckeyes, I'm not sure the Wolverines have seen a ton of teams that will bring as much speed to the field as the 2024 Longhorns will next weekend. There can't be many.
Maybe Florida State in 1991?
Oregon in 2007?
The Wolverines have plenty of speed to challenge the Longhorns this weekend, but I'm telling you, this Texas team from top to bottom features so much speed that the team slogan this season should be "Meep meep."
3. Texas should beat the defending national champions by double digits.
Based on first-game impressions, the Longhorns have a significant quarterback advantage coming into this game. S-I-G-N-I-F-I-C-A-N-T.
That would be the case if Arch Manning was starting, let alone third-year starter Quinn Ewers. That would probably be the case if either of the top two Texas quarterbacks were forced to play left-handed, or with a hand tied behind his back.
No offense, Davis Warren.
Michigan's defense is still fantastic and if the Wolverines are going to beat Texas on Saturday, that unit will have to lead the way (along with special teams) because the offense they will field (269 total offensive yards vs. Fresno State) is a cap gun when compared to the arsenal that the Longhorns will bring to town.
So, let me just get my early-week hot take out of the way ... Texas will not only beat Michigan in Ann Arbor in less than six days ...
It'll do so by three scores.
No. 2 - Big Offensive takeaway ...
There's very much a clear No. 1 and No. 2 in the passing game for the Longhorns, no matter how many dudes are rotating in and out.
Transfer Isaiah Bond is WR1, as evidenced by the fact that he was on pace for nearly 15 game-targets at halftime.
Transfer Matthew Golden is WR2, as evidenced by the fact that he was the only other player targeted more than twice at halftime (4) and was found twice in the red zone for scores when the game was still worthy of his time.
Oh, there will be other receivers that will have massive days before this season is over, including Ryan Wingo and Silas Bolden.
Yet, going into Ann. Arbor, Bond and Golden are the receivers that stir Quinn Ewers' drink ... rotation be damned.
No. 3 - Big Defensive Takeaway ...
Jaylon Guilbeau can ball. Jahdae Barron can ball. Malik Muhammad can ball. These Texas safeties can ball.
Colorado State's Tony Horton can also ball, but not like the guys in burnt orange, which meant he learned the hard way that these guys are not the 2023 Texas DBs. Horton tried them all and served up a meaningless 5 catches for 31 yards, which included an even more meaningless 9 yards after the catch.
You'll have to forgive him if he's looking at the Texas secondary the same way the Wisconsin volleyball team is looking at the No. 1 Longhorns (see section 7 below). I'm just not sure he can bothered with another 60 minutes of that.
This group will have tougher challenges ahead. They'll play better quarterbacks.
But, this group has been forged in the fires of playing this Texas offense every day in practice and the group will be a team strength. That No.100-whatever-they-were-ranked-crap from a year ago is done.
No. 4 - Call me George Washington because I cannot tell a lie ...
As freaking good as Quinn Ewers was on Saturday (and it was one of probably his three best passing performances since he's been in Austin), it's just a different kind of fun when Arch Manning is on the field.
I'd feel bad for disrespecting Ewers so much if we all weren't just having so much fun when Manning plays.
That was his first career touchdown pass. Ewers really needs to finish up teams early this season, so that everyone can watch Sark play with his new toy.
No offense, Quinn. You were great on Saturday. The dopamine just hits a little different with No. 16.
No. 5 – Transfer Watch ...
Here's a look at how each of the outgoing players from the Texas program in the 2023-24 Portal cycle fared over the weekend ...
QB - Maalik Murphy (Duke) - Made the start at quarterback for the Blue Devils and completed 26 of 40 passes for 291 yards and an interception (147.6 rating) in a 26-3 win over Elon.
RB - Savion Red (Nevada) - Rushed for 135 yards on 11 carries in Nevada's 28-26 win over Troy.
WR - Isaiah Neyor (Nebraska) - Led Nebraska with 6 catches for 121 yards and a touchdown for the Huskers in a 40-7 win over UTEP.
WR - Casey Cain (UNLV) - Started for the Rebels, but did not catch a pass in UNLV's 27-7 win over Houston.
OL - Payton Kirkland (Colorado) - Did not play a snap as the primary back-up at right tackle in a CU win over North Dakota State.
DT - Sawyer Goram-Welch - Started and recorded a single tackle in Coastal Carolina's 55-27 win over Jacksonville State.
DL - Zac Swanson (Arizona State) - Made a single assisted tackle as a reserve in ASU's 49-7 win over Wyoming.
DT - Trill Carter (Auburn) - Recorded a single tackle as a reserve in Auburn's 73-3 win over Alabama A&M.
DE - J'Mond Tapp (Arizona State) - Did not play in ASU's 49-7 win over Wyoming.
DE - Billy Walton (SMU) - Picked up four tackles as a reserve at edge in SMU's 59-7 win over Houston Christian.
LB - Kendrick Blackshire (UTSA) - Recorded 2 tackles as a reserve linebacker in UTSA's 28-16 win over Kennesaw State.
LB - S'Maje Burrell (SHSU) - Did not play in Sam Houston's 34-14 win over Rice.
DB - Austin Jordan (TCU) - Played as a reserve DB in TCU's 34-27 win over Stanford, but didn't record any stats.
DB - Jerrin Thompson (Auburn) - Recorded two tackles as a starter at safety for Auburn in its 73-3 win over Alabama A&M.
DB - Kitan Crawford (Nevada) - Recorded 7 tackles in Nevada's 27-26 win over Troy.
DB - BJ Allen (North Texas) - Did not play in UNT's 52-48 win over South Alabama.
DB - Xavion Brice (North Texas) - Did not play in UNT's 52-48 win over South Alabama.
DB - Jalen Catalon (UNLV) - Recorded two interceptions, including a 36-yard return for a touchdown, in UNLV's 27-7 win over Houston.
DB - Larry Turner-Gooden (San Jose State) - Did not record a stat as a reserve in San Jose State's 42-24 win over Sacramento State.
No. 6 - If I had a vote that mattered ...
1. Georgia
2. Texas
3. Ohio State
4. Alabama
5. Miami
6. Ole Miss
7. Notre Dame
8. Oregon
9. Penn State
10. Missouri
(Note: I reserve the right to tweak this following the LSU/USC game on Sunday night.)
No. 7 - The champs are still the champs ...
No. 1 Texas Volleyball sent a message to No. 3 Wisconsin on Sunday in its season opener in Milwaukee ... come for the queens at your own risk.
The Longhorns put the Badgers down in four sets in a national semi-final nine months ago and with an entire summer to anticipate the rematch, the Badgers were set on the curb in four sets once again.
30-28, 23-25, 25-15, 25-11
By the end of the match, it felt like the Badgers were ready to wave the white flag. Texas imposed its will in the third and fourth sets in a way befitting of a champion defending its crown with intent. You'll have to forgive the Badgers if they just pray that someone else can deal with these Longhorns late in the year because they have clearly had enough.
No. 18 Minnesota is due up on Monday and they can get some, too.
No. 8 – BUY or SELL …
(Buy) Yes.
(Buy) Yes. It'll be close, but, yes.
(Sell) Not really.
(Sell) Never crossed my mind.
(Sell) Put some respect on Quintrevion's name!
(Sell) It's way too early to make that kind of call.
(Sell) 7-5.
(Sell) I'll go with the Texas wide receivers against the Michigan DBs.
(Sell) He's not THAT big of a loss.
(Buy) Charles feels like a flip waiting to happen and if they want Simpson, I think they'll get him.
(Sell) That's Georgia.
(Buy) Easily.
(Sell) Yesterday will have virtually no impact on his decision or the timing of it.
(Sell) Not the total and outright domination?
(Sell) Both will be drafted. Neither has proven they deserved to be 5-stars, although Klubnick delivers the ball like one. He chose the wrong school.
(Buy) Of course.
No. 9 – Scattershooting all over the place …
... Mike Elko looked so much like Charlie Strong on Saturday that I might be one more loss like that away from calling him Jersey Charlie.
... It is possible that Connor Weigman will never recover from the trick played on him by the magician (skip ahead to the 1:36 mark)...
... There's no reason to throw a parade yet, but former Longhorn Maalik Murphy was solid in his opener as the starting quarterback for Duke, completing 26 of 40 passes for 291 yards, two touchdowns and an interception against Elon.
... Cam Ward makes Miami a serious football team.
... Barion Brown should have transferred to Texas.
... It's crazy to think at this time last year, Alabama didn't know who its quarterback was.
... Ho hum, Scottie Scheffler won again.
... No Novak Djokovic. No Carlos Alcaraz. No reason to watch the men's side of the US Open?
... Premier League Spitballin': Club tribalism is all fun and games when it comes to officiating until Chris Kavanagh is working your game in any capacity. Everton stole defeat from the jaws of victory in a way this weekend that was even new for them. Holy cow ... that happened. Erling Haaland might score 35 league goals. Last 10 games against each other: Liverpool 29 Manchester United 6. Have a double helping of that, Red Devils. August 31st
No. 10 – The List: Richard Gere
Mr. "I've Got Nowhere Else To Go!" turned 75 this weekend, which made him feel like an obvious profile subject this weekend.
Full transparency: One of his movies is one of my favorite movies of all-time and an easy choice for No. 1. Can you guess it? I mean it's an EASY call for the No. 1 spot.
Also, save the gerbil jokes. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!!!!
Let's get on with the list ...
Last 5 Out: Hachi: A Dog's Tale, Looking For Mr. Goodbar, Shall We Dance, Arbitrage and First Knight
10. Runaway Bride
What can I say? He's got great chemistry with Julia Roberts and I love an average rom-com.
9. The Cotton Club
Great Cast (hello, Gregory Hines!). A young Diane Lane and Jennifer Grey. I dig period pieces.
8. Chicago
It's not my cup of tea, but I cannot deny its place in his canon.
7. Primal Fear
Is this ranked too low?
6. Unfaithful
Let's all just admit that Paul was just a little too aloof about sleeping with Diane Lane in another man's house.
5. Days of Heaven
Regarded as one of the best movies of the 1970s. I need to give this a re-watch. It's been at least 25 years.
4. American Gigolo
A Paul Schrader neo-noir crime drama about Richard Gere playing a prostitute. It might be the most Richard Gere movie of all-time.
3. Internal Affairs
Underrated. Bill Simmons turned me on to it.
2. Pretty Woman
It's the movie that saved his career and made Julia's.
1. An Officer and a Gentleman
It's a strong candidate for being in my favorite 10 movies of all-time.
